I'm ******* done,
With this world that I shouldn't be in.
Once found this maze so amazing
When I was small,
But not anymore.
Growing up singing church songs
Of what I was not.
How did I belong to what promoted
What I could never be?
There you go:
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Because families were made to be perfect!
So plan all your babies,
But society will still
**** them all up in cages.
Not much waiting involved
It won't take very long.
I am not what the mormon church says.
I was a mistake.
I don't live with two parents.
I see but don't live with one.
So I'm blaming my mother,
Because in theses times that I cry
Is when I realise
That it's all her fault.
I couldn't help but be created,
So for those who hate me for being born
I'm sorry but sorry won't make it right.
To those who being a demon makes you high
I guess I'll have to just stand and watch.
Yes I've grown taller
And height has made me see,
How much that I was not meant to be.
I have friends
But one day everyone
Will get torn away.
Then there will just be nothing.
Nothing of me
Or for me, at least.
And it's almost like I only have
Maladaptive daydreams to be happy about,
But I can't because they're depressing as hell.
The fact that I exist to be able to have them is déprimant
Yet I am not depressed
But maybe I should be,
Because God knows I shouldn't be here
And dear God I'm sorry I am
Because I messed up your perfect plan.
And well if my birth really was hectic
Then why couldn't I have died then?
Because my stupid, pathetic and unwanted life
Wouldn't have lasted this long.
What's a mistake is unwanted
What's unplanned is unwanted
What I am is unwanted
What I will be to those around me
One day will be
An unwanted memory.

makes it hard for me to breathe,
difficult to see and
impossible to understand this complex mechanism of inside-out
feelings.

I should’ve known by now
that one foot cannot do well without
the other,
that I am merely a one way ticket to
one of Jupiter’s moons,
that one without two
is a stranger to three
and that this will all end one day
in a big blast!

Stranded between Tom Hanks' Wilson
and Aylan’s sandprint,
I won’t be of much use to you;
just like a viral video that you share with your friends,
on a Monday morning and,
then, again, after a couple of months. Funny gas inside
some old abandoned car’s  tank.

makes it hard to be serious
about life,
difficult to die and
impossible to commit suicide.

A rendition destroyed.
A composition disforming.
A mistake was made.
A failure was gained.
A regret pondered.
A lesson never taught.
A cosmic orchestration to be repeated over and over again.

It took a year to get over you
To store you away in my memories with a wall that couldn't be broke through

To Learn how to look away in the hallways
To walk straight and not runaway
To put aside the anger
To hang the blame up on a hanger

Then you come and talk to me
You let those memories break free
My eyes can only fix on your eyes
I'd follow you up into the skies

I glow with happiness
I fill with fuzziness
What's wrong with you?
After all you put me through?!

Now I fear
It's gonna be another year

Stumbling around in the same circle
Only hearing words that are hurtful
My hand cover my ears
My eyes flooded with tears
Make up running down my face
Mind racing all over the place

Questions spin
In the end, did you win?
Was it something I wore...that made you call me a *****?
Could I have done more...to keep you from walking out the door?
My heart you tore...and you threw the halves on the floor?!

The first boy to say "I love you"
And the first boy to say "I hate you"
Said I was perfection
Now you can add my heart to your collection

“But I am petrified of several things,
I am petrified that I am badly smitten,
I am petrified that I am sorely into you,
I am petrified as this kind of feeling arise from deep within,
I am petrified that I am completely, utterly in love with you.

And someday you’ll wake up when reality has finally dawned on you,
That I am just another mistake,
I am petrified that you are my ocean,
And I’ve never loved drowning
…so much.”

Early morning and the head is pounding,
The unwelcome taste of something strong,
Dancing at the back of the throat,
Sit up, stand up, sit back down,
Vision spinning one way and stomach the other,
Staring into the mirror at a depressing cocktail,
Of two parts painkillers and one part regret,
And don’t hold back on the ice

Then it hits,
An acidic burning shooting up the throat,
As a black poison is spewed into the sink,
Only to wash away leaving a foul stench and worse taste,
Coughing and swearing,
Head in hands,
The age old lie muttered through tight lips,
“Never again...”