It's hard to lose a chosen one.

To miss their presence;
Through soft glance of their big, cold eyes,
Cold words, leading to warm touches,
Serious talks, leading to funny laughs,
Your heart pounding like crazy in their arms,
And you telling yourself to let go.

Friends,
Who are in love with each other,
And pretend and lie to not care,
Won't remain friends forever,
Because, the more you get to touch them,
The harder it gets to resist them,
And you can't not just touch them.

It's never good enough.
You can try your best,
Give them anything-
Everything you've got,
Completely destroy yourself for them,
And still be left looking stupid.

I'm different from the advertisements
I'm different from being able to check the diffident
I'm differently formed, coffered the affidavit
The defendant left me in a spell of the time that I had lost
Imbibing my guilt in the adequate alacrity, inevitable wasn't it
The loss of my sensible sagaciousness and I took it to curtsy for my childish grin
Smirks and lenience were standing upon at gaze, in the confused crowd
Only you, you were standing in the surface flowing with troughs of tridents of storms
Making choices beyond your gayness, and pristine condition was your choice of gentleness

My thoughts are wiped away
Like crushed bugs by windshield wipers
That never had a chance at a full life
Wiper fluid cleansing the surface
Only to find itself ***** again

There’s a war going on inside of me
My heart and my head on two sides of the same coin
Neither willing to compromise
Sick of selling myself lies
That aren’t even believable anymore

I’m choking on pain
I’ve been ingrained to think that misery
Has a permanent home with me
As though it has hung up its clothes in my closet
Left a toothbrush on the bathroom sink
And a ***** glass on the countertop
I can’t stop thinking that she is my forever companion

They say that misery loves company
But I’m finding that solitude yields warmth
A cocoon of loneliness where I’m buried so deep
That no one else can see it
I just want someone else to see it

Too much pride to ask for help
Too independent to take it
I’m breaking
Hell, maybe I’m already broken
A mirror in sharp pieces
My reflection staring back blankly
As I try to glue myself back together

There’s a war going on inside of me
Choosing the better of two evils is impossible
This misery almost comical
As I try to claw it from my skin
Leaving only scars to remain
Lipstick stains on the glass in the kitchen
Hanging up a shirt to rid the wrinkles
My sweet misery’s toothbrush is still wet
With tears from last night’s battle with death
All reminders that my shadow is always there

The crushed bugs on my windshield a reminder
That death is inevitable
And life only measurable
By the number of breaths that we take
And not how many times the windshield wipers
Try to erase my journey

Being in love with someone you can't have,
And not just moving on,
Thats crazy! There is no other word for that.

     There is a word for that-
IT'S LOVE!
If you're looking for the word,
That means caring about someone,
Beyond all rationality
And wanting them to have everything they want,
No matter how much it destroys you-
It's love!
And when you love someone,
You just.. you.. you don't stop-
EVER!
Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy,
Even then-
Especially then!!
You just.. you don't give up!
Because if I could give up,
If I could take the whole worlds advice
And move on and find someone else,
That wouldn't be love..
That would be some other disposable thing, that is not worth fighting for,
But that is not what this is.

Nothing scares me more,
Than loving someone you can't have.