Sometimes when I stare into mirrors,
I see an array of illusions.
I have a hard time knowing if they're truths,
Or if they are delusions.

For example, sometimes I look and see gross skin,
But then someone will tell me I'm glowing.
I'll look into the glass and see nothing worthwhile,
Because my fat neck is showing.

Other times I will feel attractive,
As I stare into my own brown eyes,
Which I convince myself smolder,
Mocha orbs that are wise.

But then someone will point out a pimple,
And tell me I don't look that great.
I am starting to think illusions
Are all that make up my face.

Why must every waking moment
Of every day be plagued
By the thoughts of fear?

Thoughts of fear towards the one I love,
Whether or not she still loves me
Or if some other guy took her from me in the night.

Or whether she’s decided I’m not the one she wants,
And that as soon as i say good morning
She’ll respond with a good bye.

But worst of all I’m a afraid
That she just won’t respond to me at all
And that she’ll ignore me for a reason I don’t know.

Maybe if I looked at myself
In the mirror harder than i look at others
Then maybe I could discover what it is
That makes me fear a relationship so much…

But I’m more scared of what
I may find inside myself that I’ve been
Hiding all my life,

My secrets that are better left buried for all eternity,
The darkness that dwells forever in my heart
And the light that is flickering in my soul.

That light, it is the only light left,
The only vestige of good left inside of me.
And although it may never go out
It may become so small that it is insignificant.

Maybe if I can relight that once
Strong burning light then maybe
Just maybe I won’t be so scared…

Or maybe I should just let
That last vestige of light go out
Maybe it’d be better
For everyone for it to go out
And me along with it.

Maybe everyone would be better
Off if i had just left before they could know me
Maybe it would give them more happiness

Or maybe it’d allow them
To not feel the pain that always seems
To follow me wherever I go…

Maybe, just maybe
If that light goes out
I won’t be able to hurt anyone
Anyone but myself anymore.

I hate mirrors
I dislike them so much

I can’t look at a mirror
Without feeling
Ugly,
Fat,
Useless,
Unneeded,
Confused,
Angry,
Sad,
Upset­,
Unhappy,
Hatred,

I can’t look at the mirror for too long
Or I’ll start to cry

I wish I didn’t have to look at a mirror
To see the one…
Me
I have never hated myself
Till I looked at myself in a mirror

When I was 7
The mirror
Was my nightmare
My bully
Pointed out
Everything that was wrong with me

I wish I could smash and break
The mirrors I have to look at
But I won’t because
I don’t want to get in trouble and hurt myself from the broken glass

So I guess
I’ll have to deal with them
I’ll just have to try and stay away from them

I really hate mirrors
I dislike them very much.

Paper will always be a mirror,
Where words will be the reflection
of your thoughts and hopeless dreams.

Your arm is always there
To snake around me
And when I am weak,
Even when can't stand it
I want to fall back on you.
I want to thrash against it
Want to scream, cry, fight,
But my fist is only caught by shards of mirror glass.

2/7/16

When the mirror shatters,
What you reflect to society,
No longer matters,
Because the construction one,
Has built upon themselves,  
Is now on the floor,
Cracked into pieces of shattered fragments,
And now what you were then is now no more,
Now the only piece you have left,
Is the peace in your soul.