under pressure.
under stress.
i ressist, have no regrets.
1000 problems,
1000 words,
1000 points.
anxiety, rush, depression
i have to rake this mess all alone

my thoughts shiver
because ive gotten
sick to my stomach
from all the mess
inside my heart

Exclusively with one's self
Is how life's led to calamity
It's uncommon to shout in a crisis
Who's left to clean up the messes?
The feeling of alone
Is so cold
The feeling of alone
Changed my soul
The feeling of alone
Can I go home?

You go out late
at night, and i stay here,
picking up the pieces
of the mess you left behind.

(i am the mess you left behind
and i spend the night
picking up the broken
pieces of myself.)

hot butter strolls down my face
and rolls down my nose
dribbles down my chin
and spatters the floor
the lustrous linoleum

i cry tears of sugar
it tastes much too sweet
as they mix with my thoughts
and pour into the cracked bowl
the jaded green memory

my hands are matted with white
and caked with delight
but it's a less-than-pleasant mess
i've used too much
it called for just a teaspoon

im taking breaths but i still cant breathe
reading bottoms of bottles like tea leaves
and i can't see past my nose

so what if i'm a mess
who cares
face down in the sand

so what if im a mess
who cares
i can still feel your hands

im taking steps but not with ease
pulling at the strings of my own disease
and i cant even move my hands

running and scheming my brain
always leaving impossible feeling of dealing
and playing childish games of gaining grins
shootung guns of gifts giving garbled guidance

so what if im a mess
who cares
hair spun up in knots

so what if im a mess
who cares
i cant stop being lost

I wanted to be a psychologist
now I'm discovering biology.

I used to love doing athletics
now I'm lying down in my bed
eating chocolate bars and crying for the mess.

I loved reading books
now my library is full of dust.

My grades used to be perfect
but if you look at them right now
you won't even find an A.

I don't know who I'm trying to impress
I don't know who I'm trying to fool
I'm not myself anymore.

In depth, there lays a question:
     did you live or compromise?

i have swollen, light rose eyes
because of the sea of tears  
rushing down my face.

one wave for love,
one wave for fake friendships,
one wave for my family,
and another for myself.

there is a reason
for my courage.
there is a reason
for my mess.

i let it all out,
that one night.
but oh, how come i didn't stay afloat?

i felt like i was drowning.
i'm still drowning.

day by day enduring mental and physical pain
what does it feel like to lose yourself?
what does it feel like to lose your mind?
feeling breathless and not able to think straight
hyperventilate and feeling pain in your chest
your heart starts to feel pain as well
worried that you won't be able to carry on
even for days to come

i cannot handle your mess right now


                                                     - i have my own wreckage to take care of