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Anna Patricia May 2022
Stuck in traffic, with all cars hitting their brakes, my best friend suddenly asked me, are you already sure about her?

In a heartbeat, I immediately responded, "yes." For once in my life, I am that certain, I am sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Then it hit me, that I was able to respond without a doubt, without any hesitations. At the back of my mind, I began to think - I wish you feel the same way too.
Anna Patricia Apr 2021
It's okay, I tell myself. It's absolutely okay to feel deep sadness about the things I thought I've moved on from. Go easy, go easy on yourself. I know I want to be free. I'll get there eventually. But tonight, I'll allow myself to feel. I'll allow myself to grieve. I'll allow myself to succumb to all the lonely feelings. It doesn't mean I'm weak. It just goes to show how truly and how deeply I cared. I'm not gonna shrug it off.

It might take a little longer. It might require buckets of tears. But I know that in time, I'd look back and remember tonight - I'll remember how lonely I felt, but I still believed that life is significant. I'll remember tonight and feel relieved, that this amount of unhappiness can turn into golden, genuine smiles time.
Anna Patricia Apr 2021
We’re left with empty paper sheets where the next chapter of our almost never-ending story should have been written. We both ran out of ink— no refills, nothing left to give, no more.

It’s sad that we ended tragically, but what’s even more miserable is the thought that perhaps we are bound to write a whole new book in the arms of someone else.

If only we didn’t spill some ink, we could’ve still written some more.
Anna Patricia Mar 2021
Early on, you already knew
That for me, this is the worst way
To lose a person –
Clueless, oblivious,

Hey, don't go disappearing. ​
You swore you wouldn't.
But you left without a warning,
Just like everyone else
who didn't have the guts to explain.

Are we over?
You've been missing for days now.
I'm going to walk away.
Enough, I tell myself.
Enough, I repeat it all over again.

I'm no longer nurturing the flame.
It will take a single breath to blow it out.
I'm leaving.
I'm going.
After this, I'll be gone.

Hey, this is goodbye.
I guess.
Can we please stop normalizing ghosting?
Anna Patricia Mar 2021
People always leave. People are temporary. Even the person you love the most, will leave you on a Sunday morning. She'll kiss you goodbye, for the last time.

But you wouldn't know that it's the last. You won't.

When you look back, you'll reminisce how she lingered in those fleeting moments, right before she walked away. You'll remember where her hands touched you, where her lips rested on your skin. You'll remember every bit of it.

On terrible nights, you'll find yourself screaming. "How could you?" Of all the people in the world, I trusted that you would stay. Out of all the temporariness, all the flux, all the transience —you were supposed to be the only exception.

You think about calling them, then you'd be reminded that it's not your place anymore. You almost do, but something stops you. You remember these words you've read. It went something like —

People always leave. People are temporary. Even the person you love the most, will leave you on a Sunday morning. She'll kiss you goodbye, for the last time.
Anna Patricia Mar 2021
Maybe there is a universe where you do not break my heart. Maybe there is a universe where you didn't leave me feeling awful, feeling terrible. Maybe there is a universe where I didn't believe that I am hard to love, that I'm undeserving of love.

But maybe, just maybe, there is also a universe where someone will love me anyway. There is a universe where someone will see that my anxiety is not my entirety. There is a universe where someone will accept every bit of me. And wouldn't it be nice, if that universe is where we are at the moment. Maybe, maybe.

Anna Patricia Sep 2019
And sometimes you lie down alone and wonder whether you actually meant as much to her as you thought you did.

You wonder whether she thinks of you when she can't sleep at night and miss you like the way you miss her.

You question the decisions you made; could you have done things differently to make them stay?

You get angry – furious even, that they could be so selfish and inconsiderate to accept your love when they likely had no intention of sticking around to reciprocate it.

You’re a mess. You’re a vortex of emotions that words can’t even describe and the worst part is, even though you want to tell them how they made you feel, you can’t.

And that makes you feel pathetic.

Trust me, I know how it feels.
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