Afraid of staying up too late,
Only half of the bed always awake.
Afraid of pain that haunts me daily,
When I’m full of joy and tired of saying,

“Help me out, hear all my words.”
“Show me your love, show me your worth.”
Afraid of the effects of waiting too long,
Afraid of how I’m ultimately wrong,

When I tell her my feelings,
And realize they’re only nothing.
Afraid of opinions and ultimately running,
Never to experience the lost, feel the shunning.

Afraid of lying to myself,
Never knowing of the wealth,
Following with pure confidence.
Leaving my brain to rot, to be haunted.

Afraid of my empty body lying,
Filling the bed with tears of my crying.
Afraid of looking up and not at her face,
Overflowing with rain, abundant with grace.

Afraid of losing to death,
Replying with no instead of yes.
Afraid of actions, afraid of myself,
Holding the cards that I shouldn’t have dealt.

Afraid of smoke and fire,
Filling my lungs, igniting my wires.
Afraid of depravity attached with debt.
All my love was lost long ago when I bet,

Everything I had and now is forever gone,
Afraid of desolation after completing my song.
Afraid of breaking free after the storm,
Only to realize love is nevermore.

Afraid of the cruelty, afraid of the pain,
Making mistakes but having no gain.
Afraid of gas, afraid of the flame,
Poisoning wrath, scorching rain.

Afraid of destined deception,
Losing sight, losing perception.
Not expecting achievement,
Not searching for perfection.

lying is forcing back the ‘i love you’s on my tongue like im closing my eyes so hard i can only see black
it’s feeling the giddiness of admiration and love for you and telling you i hate you
it’s empty insults laced with adoration that i hope you won’t notice
my love has become a lie again

it has been pushed far back and it’s reaching out again, hoping you’ll see it

i want to believe there will be a time for my love to be free
when i can love you with my entire self and you will want that too

but for now it’s hiding
for now it’s pain
for now it’s pretending

for now-

it’s lying

my innocence.
stolen away...
twelve years old and desperate for
the love of a boy,
too naïve to know
the difference between
love
and
lust.

my first kiss,
taken from me by a
man
who filled my throat with
drugs and
darkness,
his lips coaxing shivers of pleasure
out of my twelve year old body,
mistaking my whimpers of terror
as pleas
for more.

he took me upstairs,
for my legs no longer worked,
amputated by the drugs he filled me with,
my brain was numb
to his touch,
and it was over
before my mind had even begun
to process the
fear
and
vulnerability
that should have filled my body
in place of his
lust
and
desire.

it’s gone,
ripped
stolen
erased
from my mind and my body.
the drugs rid me of the memories
but left behind the ghost
of his touch
to come and play
in the night.

Strangers we all are strangers,
As we fall apart into dangers.
Lying under the same sky,
Holding our hands to fly.

You look into my eyes
And see how I have died

You ask if I’m okay
I quickly throw on a face
In an attempt to look great

And say ‘I’m fine’
‘Just got something on my mind ‘

You walk away
Not realizing
How badly I’m lying