I lied when I said I could trust you again.
I lied when I said I could easily fend.
I lied when I said I was telling the truth.
I lied when I told you this was proof.

I lied when I told you he looked fine.
I lied when I told you it left with the time.
I lied when I said it was no big deal.
I lied when I told you I could give you time to heal.

I lied when I told you I was fine.
I lied when I told you I’ve never lied.
I lied when I said he wasn’t my best friend.
I lied when I told you how much time I don’t spend.
Talking to him.

I lied when I told you I was doing okay.
I lied when I didn’t lie straight to your face.
I lied when I didn’t tell you how I felt.
I lied when I was uncomfortable and didn’t tell.

I lied when I kept a straight face.
I lied when I ran past you, upping my pace.
I’d be lying if I said I don’t want to tell you.
But I’d still be lying if I wasn’t being true.

I’d be lying if I said I don’t think about you every day.
I’d be lying if I said I was okay.
With you not being here,
Not knowing why I fear.

I’m lying when I say I’m fine without you.
I’m lying when I say I’m over what I didn’t do yet.
I’m lying when I tell people I didn’t ask for advice about you.
I’m lying when I say it’s about someone else.

I’m lying when I say I don’t want to be with you.
I’m lying when I say I know you like me too.
I’m lying when I know I can’t escape.
This lying is covering me like a cape.

I’m not a liar all the time.
But I can’t stop lying,
When I tell you I’m fine.

Just to see the smile on your face.
It makes me feel better.
I’m almost okay when I see that smile.
It almost makes it all go away.

If I saw it more than once a year,
Maybe I wouldn’t have to lie about being okay.

But don't you tell me you're okay too,
Because we both know it isn't true.

i used to write about him
endlessly
in tattered journal pages
and in cheesy poems
but i didn't want to admit it

i didn't want to admit
the fact that he was gone
and writing him into paper
wasn't going to bring back
the person i once knew

i didn't want to admit
that i wasn't in love-
that instead, i was cold and lonely
for endless summer nights
in the pitch black vacuum of my room
when everyone else was sound asleep
and i should've been, too
i guess at that time
i just didn't want to admit
the fact that i was too busy writing
to realize i was just lying to myself

so this is me finally admitting it-
this is my apology letter
for blindly lying to myself,
for believing the miserable lie
that writing about him
would bring us back to life

because so far it hasn't worked
and i'm undeniably sick
of lying to myself
and ignorantly believing it will

The Dry Boy and the Lying Boy
Tell me about the dry boy
The boy with no color
Whose voice doesn't sound brown at all

Tell me about his dreams
Tell me, does he dream?
You ask him and he says No

That's a lie
The boy says nothing
Does nothing
The boy is not there

Tell me about the boy whose bones were not on fire
They sparked but were not on fire
Tell me about his dreams

Does he dream?
You ask and he says No
And that’s a lie
That’s his lie

Tell me about the boy who says lies
Tell me about the time
Words poured from his mouth like water
No, *****

You ask them if the dry boy is alive
They say No
That’s a lie
There is no dry boy

You ask them if the lying boy is alive
They say Yes
But he probably won’t be for long
You don’t know if that’s a lie

Tell me about the time his voice
Curled around you like smoke
In brown and red and gold
Tell me if it burned your eyes

It didn’t, it was beautiful
You tell him that, you say you’re beautiful
And he laughs and you think that’s a lie, too

Tell me about the time the dry boy made you small
How he knelt down and held your
Tiny baby hands

Tell me about how you did things too big for you
To make him reverse it
It didn’t work

Tell me about the lying boy
He doesn’t lie all the time
And not really to you

You ask him who he lies to
And he says myself
And you trust him, you do
Because his bones are not on fire and neither is his mouth

You want to paint the boy
With the voice like smoke
You want to paint a new face over his

No, you want to paint the face under his
No, you want to carve the face under his
No, you want to crack him open with a chisel
And look at what’s inside

You throw a match on the dry boy
And watch his mouth catch fire
And watch his bones catch fire

You lie with him and he burns you
You douse him with gasoline and he burns you again
The dry boy takes you home with him and ruins you
You leave him burning and visit the lying boy

You drop a match on the lying boy by accident
He doesn’t catch
You watch him toss it away

You lie with him and he laughs at you
No, with you
You lie with him and he kisses you
That’s all

You lie between the lying boy and the dry boy
And the dry boy lies and the lying boy doesn’t
The lying boy takes you home and tells you a truth
And then he leaves, that’s all

The lying boy is there the next day
You visit with him and he takes you home
He leaves you there until the next day

The lying boy shows you himself
Instead of ruining you
The dry boy lies to you
The lying boy takes you home