In your absence,
I have learned many a thing on my own:
How to feed a family,
How to dress a wound,
How to console the broken-hearted,
How to press a shirt,
How to count by fives,
What creams to apply for itchy hives,
How to listen for cars on the road,
How to lighten a parental load.
Physically you were there,
But not as a loving unit,
More like aberrations,
You sat there in your depression,
On your king sized bed,
Time slipped by,
Many nights I sat alone and cried.
Now you don't know your twenty-something daughter.
In your presence I learned to love,
In a warped and twisted manner.
A trail of men lay lifeless behind me,
Bodies twisted, faces contorted in agony,
I ****** them dry,
My life has too much turmoil for most to bear,
But that's alright, I'm used to people not being there.
You fantasize about a relationship with me,
But it's too late,
I'm the daughter you refused to see.
These showers of praise from you are lies from snakes,
A few dollars here and there is all you think it takes,
To undo a life of torment,
Well...
You are mistaken.
In your absence I have learned many a thing,
How to hold a hand,
How to speak my mind,
How tightly abandonment actually binds.

"You're handsome nephew, how are you single?"
Im not auntie, but thanks for the compliment.
I know mirrors lie and photographs exaggerate
But I'm not when i say I've never felt any reason
To truly believe that statement
Its grated into my head that I'm... just there in all reality
Not exemplary, not on the other side of unpresentable
Just... there.

"But you're so sweet anyone would be lucky to have you!"

I mean i try to not be an inconsiderate pile of garbage because that's not how i was raised to behave but for some reason not being argumentative over the littlest things or going out cheating is misconstrued as a lack of testosterone or an unwillingness to stand up for myself or my own... that's part of why i take my feelings out not on my S.O. but in poems...

"You'll find someone eventually!"
I appreciate the thought but i doubt it seriously
I'm serially alone, which someone will have to work a near miracle to overcome
But no one is gonna do that, so alone I'll remain like i live on the other side of the sun

trapped beneath a fitted rubber sheet
a lump in the mattress
suffocating on
rancid latex sweat
and yesterday's dried fluids

who were they
the nameless in the dark
this one smelled of popcorn
that on howled in delight

a collage of senseless noise
scented by cats and Ajax
leftovers always go bad

Chuck-will's-widow
in the tree by the window
it must be after midnight

though noon looks the same
in this cage that gives just enough
to torture with possibilities
of breaking free

freedom is overrated
roses stain glass
with the bloodletting
of thorny mishaps

blurred by smeared wounds
ain't life grand
when love ceases to be a goal

how can one find what is
utterly indefinable
if it cannot be decisively named
it cannot be concretely attained

then again, love's fluidity
is its charm
no hard edges
ebbing and flowing
elusive and longing

**** me latex blind
unseen and used
by those who never did mind
a lumpy mattress

My Love


Did I ever show you my favourite place?
And did you ever notice the smile on my face,
When you came back to me, after you’d been away?
It was complete relief that you’d come back again.


If I ever hurt you deep inside
And you hid the tears I made you cry,
Then my lady I apologise;
But I hope you’ll know that I never lied.


And you’ll never know what you mean to me
And you’ll never know why I let you go
And you’ll never know why you must be set free;
From me, my love and all my sorrow.


True to you, even when feeling blue;
My silence only ever hid the truth.
Those things I couldn’t say to you;
For I feared you’d leave me, then what would I do?


When you held my hand I felt warm inside.
I’m complete when I have you at my side.
You’re the only one in whom I can confide,
But without you girl, my heart would surely die.


And you’ll never know what you mean to me
And you’ll never know why I let you go
And you’ll never know why you must be set free;
From me, my love and all my sorrow.


But now you’ve gone away, I’m a hollow boy;
My comfort blanket has been destroyed.
They’ve taken away my favourite toy.
Now the tears continue to fall like rain;
I can no longer feel any joy.


So I sit here staring at the wall,
With a lack of empathy for this world;
For my love is gone.  I can’t go on anymore.
So I’ll say goodbye to my one and only love.
We could have been so much more…


(C)2013 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

I gave her all my heart
All my affections she happily accepted
When push came to shove,
I was happily rejected
Since then I've been sinking
Drowning in my anguish
Stuck in disarray
My bed becomes a coffin
The ceiling stays the same
I suffer through this pain
Each and everyday
Burdened by a future
I can never change