They say that
-apparently-
I am a grown up.

Sit straight
Stand tall
Wear this
Don’t fall.

Do this
Not that
Try this
Try that

I thought I was a grown up
Well, they say that too

But really
-not apparently-
I am a child.

Fail test
Take track
Room mess
Hunchback.

Street food
Another book
Random mood
Weird looks


I wonder why they name us so,
With titles so bizarre
And scary
Because
-in truth-
we are all children with blackened hearts.

We hurt ourselves
And each other.
I Love my sister,
And I Love my brother.

Sorry heart
Angry smile
Bad start
Hard trials.

I am child.
Nothing else
Maybe a grown up
But mainly just myself.

to my future children, if ever i have them;

if ever i grow you up, i hope you'd let me listen to your playlist
so i'd know what you are feeling, and what kind of songs that soothes you,
for i know letting your feeling out by words is as hard as writing on the water

if ever i grow you up, i hope you'd let me know what book you read recently;
so i'd know what kind of world you wish to escape,
for i might have the chance to make it nearer,

if ever i grow you up, please, please, i beg you;
to not cry alone in the corner of your room, knowing no one cares
and wishing the cold wall to swallow you down
or for someone to come and stab you in the back so that all your pain would gone,

if ever i grow you up, my dear,
i hope you'd come to me to cry, or at least;
i hope you let me in into your room,
i hope you wouldn't be someone who's ashamed of your tears
because it's not shameful, sweetheart, it's a proof that you're a human,
and there's nothing wrong with that.

if ever i grow you up, i hope you're going
to be someone who is not afraid of birthdays and new years,
and if you're afraid of dark and crowds;
know that it's okay to accept that, to be afraid of them;
because everyone is afraid at something.

if ever i grow you up, i hope you know i will never
ask you to be someone you think you can't be;
because i want you to be happy, so be it, be anything you want;
a bee keeper, kindergarten teacher, florist;
happiness is not that simple to be found, and sometimes
trying to fulfill everyone expectation will not get you anywhere.

and i hope, if ever you think you are not enough,
know that you're always enough, sweetheart;

you are my kid and that's more than enough.

Brother, why must you go off again?
Stay and play with me, brother, you're my only friend,
Instead of marching off alone away from home.
They always say to me I gotta grow up some time,
But growing up is so lonely.
My brother marches off alone.

Remember when the floor was burning under lava,
And the furniture was the only stable safety?
Father would scold us for making him worry,
Then melt into the floor and rise up a monster.
That day, brother, I know you won't believe it,
But in his eyes I saw a child lit.
There was a spark, brother, and then mom came home.
She brought in a letter that made him hide in his coat.
That spark disappeared, and the child died.
Does everyone have a kid resting inside?

My brother stares at his clothes in a campfire's glow.
The blood on this hands showing all that he knows.
I cast my heart to the stars, brother please come home.
My brother watches the stars. To forever he goes.

Gazing out my window at the subtle rise of dawn,
The figure of my brother approaches on the lawn.
There was a spark in his eye and then silver and lead.
Forever lies my brother who won't march off again.

At the throat of the world
He is despondent, and disillusioned
Wildfire sneaky devil in heaven
He is a kid, a miracle and death
I hate can't that tired soul
I want him to be everything

1.  Put the plastic bat on the ground
Press your forehead against the top of it
And spin in circles ten times exactly
Or as close as you can count to ten times around
Use the crab grass as a marker while you turn

2.  If there was ever a girl I was meant to be with her name was Megan Briley
By fifth grade I knew she was a girl who was going to need saving
I didn’t know back then that saving was what I would cling to in the dark
It was a long November when she moved away
Neither her or I knew much of the other and we never will
For obviously good reasons

3. Push the bat down onto the ground
Look up
Dizzy as you may be
Find the cone and run to it
Do not fear the grass stains as you sprint around it
See the finish line and run with all your might

4. Luggage poured out of the overhead compartment when we landed in Shanghai
Contents had shifted
The air was thick
And soggy
And it all just looked like smoke out the window of the airport
My dad told me it was just the way the air was here
It made me sick for weeks

5. All you have to do is tag your friend’s hand
Then collapse in a heap at the end of the line and watch
To see if your team is going to win the relay race
Allyssa Clark is the fastest girl in the yard and she’s on your team
Odds are good you’ll leave this party a champion

When i always look at my mom
i smile
And she smiles back.
When i say i love her
She says i love you back.<3