that night that you told me you felt so alone
i called you, and we talked for hours.
we poured our feelings out to each other
like we used to on those nights when we hadn’t seen each other
in a while
and we just felt lonely.

you told me you felt so alone
and it made me feel relieved
because, you know,
i feel pretty alone, too.

and it made me feel relieved because
i thought maybe now,
even though we were still technically alone,
we could be alone together.
together, alone?
maybe just less alone?
whatever it is...

i just thought, you know,
why do this to ourselves?
why do you like doing this to yourself?
why do you like doing this to me?
i don’t like doing this to us, you know?

you said you still cared.
and, maybe you do,
i don’t doubt that maybe deep down, you’re telling the truth,
and its not all *******.
but i also don’t doubt that you don’t love me anymore.

because maybe you care,
but you don’t love me anymore
to care enough, you know?

you don’t love me anymore
to tell me to stay, this time.
is there a this time?
is that what this is?
are we just falling back into this poisonous cycle?
is it poisonous?
because all of the hurt i’m feeling right now
is not from when we were still together,
it’s all from afterwards.
doesn’t that mean anything?
that the only reason
i feel so empty
is because i’m not with you anymore?
the only reason
we feel so alone
is because we don’t have each other?

that night you told me you felt so alone
i called you, and we talked for hours
and i told you this:
that even though this phone call is so sad,
this is the happiest i’ve been in weeks.
and that was true,
i felt happy because finally,
i was, once again, talking to you.

for the sun shining through your hair
and stubborn, indignant passion

for smiles with dimpled cheeks
and the twinkle in your eyes

because the ocean calls you
and the tides pull me in

you saved me from feeling like i'm drowning,
my head's above the water now

and so, now i'm breathing
honey, i'm all in

do you love me?
or
are you in love with me?
cause theres a big difference
and if you don't know it
I don't want to know
because that means
you probably just love me
you're not in love with me
and I'm in love with you

I’ve told you this before...
but i think of you a lot.
it’s not really intentional,
its just that
everything reminds of you.

when i see a flower-
i think of how good you look in the color pink.

when i think of economics, or politics, i think of you-
because i know how interested you are in those subjects.

when i stare at people for long enough-
their faces start to morph into yours.
and thats why i don’t like to go out anymore.
because everywhere i go,
i see you.
i see you in the scribbles in my journals,
and in the cracks on the sidewalks,
i see you when i press a button in an elevator,
and when I’m filling out a form to sign up for the sats?
don’t ask me why,
because i don’t know...
i just know that it happens.

i know that i know things about you that no one else does.
and you know things about me that no one else does.
you know things about me i wouldn’t want anyone else to know.
i trust you like that.
i think of you as a safe house,
a place where i know that things will be good
eventually.
at least-
i like to hope so.

I wouldn’t say that I’m in love with you
More the idea of you
The memories, the emotion
The time spent together
That has all changed now
For you no longer look at me the same
The love that used to gleam in your eyes is gone
And all that is left are sour kisses
Placed upon my cheek
In the passing moments we have left together
If I could have a do over
I would turn around and walk the other way
I would save myself the pain and confusion
Because no one has ever made me happier
Or sadder
Than you.