If I really wrote
what I wanted
to write
I think
I would get close
to meddling
with
fate

Time spent in obsessive contemplation
Of infinite paths of infinite ifs.
How many if only buts today alone?
I could be infinitely different.

My head hurts, my soul is so uncertain.
I’m this, and not infinite other ifs.
I am from mistakes of pure carelessness,
I am random intentional choices.

My world is what it is, but is that all?
What remains of other infinite ifs?
I have memories of worlds that weren’t,
Of worlds that might be infinitely worse.

There is an unknown me inside of me,
Who pursued some other infinite ifs.
And yet, what if I chose right every time?
What if that unknown me is also me?

This' heart's a jukebox
Darling buds of may
If you love him
Clap your hands
If you know you hate him too
You love him
Clap your hands
If you can't get enough
There'll nothing left share
If you don't love him
Then dump him
If you can, Polly...

Polly (The Poem)

Love can be annoying
But, annoying can be lovely
Women
You are beautiful
Look at a mirror
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards. That's a true reflection.

Please no more what ifs
They are leaking into my mind
As a Massacre of my faith

Creating Nothing but doubts
A knife stabbing into whats left of Me
Murdering My Soul
My spirit
My hopes
My dreams
My Desires

They are going to be nothing to me soon
Nothing
Unless i can rid of these
Ghastly What ifs

Every second away from you hurts more than the last,
When your name appears on my screen
There is a moment of excitement,
Then hours of pain

I don’t know when I will see you next,
My birthday?
Valentines Day?
Our 8 months together?

Not knowing is what’s killing me,
Before I could count down and it was keeping me going
But now I have nothing
No idea when I get to see you

If I get to see you.

If only I have a nice voice,
I would sing my heart out;
My feelings into melodious words—-
I would sing for you, without a doubt.

If only my eyes could take pictures,
whenever I look in your way;
I would definitely take a lot——
Just seeing you makes my day.

If only you could hear my thoughts,
And the words that I left unsaid;
I think I’m gonna regret it for the rest of my life,
Until I am dead.

Can i say—
your absence is a relief. Your lack of response gives me nothing but comfort and i know, i will not see your name pop up just yet 'cause how can you reply to "im sorry i can't take the risk to jump so i vanished" and to "i'm sorry i opened the door but no, i'm not inviting you in" or to "i'm sorry but i'm just here to say sorry (and have no intention of 'fixing' you)" because i don't think my broken bones can lift the tools any longer.
I say yet because almost always you pop right back the last minute, trying. I hope this time would be the last.

I wonder if I will ever find love in this world of hate.