"Hold on."
"Try harder."
"Just a little longer to get through."
I understand you're trying to encourage and be kind,
but these words you're spouting at me
aren't anything new.
This "revelation" you've given me
tried to take root in my soul, as words do,
but they shriveled up dry
& the rejection left a nasty bruise.
For growth demands light & water & love,
but I've been long out of those,
so although your push to borrow tomorrow's happiness is tempting,
that's how people end up in debt, as the universe knows.
When we use things unearned
& take what's not ours with empty promises of repayment,
the heart shrivels under the weight of the endless torment
which is the Happiness Debt.

Six feet under


Holes are forming where shadows used to lay.
Time is disappearing as life drifts away.
Falling down into the ground, searching for a new way to escape;
But there is no way to escape from a determined fate.


A date with destiny, the present is wrapped in a bow.
Feelings are fading, the light it is a changing and now the heat is low.
The daylight fades from the eyes as all hope is drained from inside
And all that remains is a body in a grave…
What a way to go.


(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

Mr. Nobody


I am without a voice, in a world of decay,
Because I cannot say why things have turned out this way.
I am without a name, because today,
I am an unknown nobody without a face.


Nobody knows Mr. Nobody,
Because I am still nothing without your empathy.
I am without doubt the last on the list,
Of the kids who made it.
Success?  I gave it a miss.


Fade into obscurity to find a place of security.
A voiceless speaker; a muted T.V.
A picture of youth, a forgotten memory;
I never became all I wanted to be so I am still Mr. Nobody.


I have had an out of body experience.
I look down on myself with such contempt.
I wish myself away to a faraway place, so I can forget;
But nothing becomes of the hope’s I cannot hold inside my head.


The knives in my back are holding me back
And slowing me down, by bursting my bubble.
The wishes I had, only ever left me feeling bad,
Because love is too detached from the life that I lead
And it seems to be so unattainable.


Give me your love, so I can compare it to mine.
Your love is a sun beam and still I outshine,
Because I am a sign; the guide says I have a beautiful mind
And I am clearing all the broken heart land mines,
That will all explode given enough time.


Footsteps slip when we fail to kiss
And we are gone to become a nothing, when we should find our bliss.
Mr. Nobody cares, because it seems nobody cares,
About Mr. Nobody and why he stands there with that hopeless stare.


Searching for a real love, waiting on a friend.
Wishing to find a heart that will not deceive, or break; but bend.
A heart of steel to match his heart of stone;
I am a solid, truthful, oath writer,
Who vows to never become a broken bond…
This is why I remain alone.


Words are just lovely when we are feeling bubbly,
But lately I hate me, so the only word I like is misery.
We want to be happy, but only they can be;
We are destined to despair for eternity.


Scared of the world and scared of falling in love.
I will bury myself inside a room full of books.
No-one will come looking, because there is nobody left to care;
But in words I will be comforted by a dream of fresh air.


Stuffed into a book is a spell to free me from this prison,
So I chant the words aloud and I am transported to an island.
A fantasy land; a place to escape from the realism.
A place I can pretend to be visiting, but I will be staying until the end.


No wish to turn back and head towards what I had before;
This land of fiction is my only way out,
So put me back on the shelf, or leave me in a draw.
Let me stay inside this book, so I can hide from you all,
Because you are all so proud and mighty
And Mr. Nobody is so insignificant and his voice is so small.


An unknown voice whispers up from down below.
Hello?  Can you hear me?  I am without hope,
Down here in the dirt, hiding in these shadows;
But if you just pass me a glance and see the heart that I hold,
Maybe you could see me and take me into your heart.
Maybe you could love me…
Who knows?


(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

I don't want to be here
but nobody cares if I leave
I'm alone
that's all I know

I abandon everything I used to know
**** my old self
now, I can start fresh

it doesn't feel much better
its not really different at all
not like I hoped it would be
I'm sorry. I'm sorry to me.
I can't be happy. I'm sorry.

Beauty is fading from my eyes.


I have become empty of all those feelings for love;
If this is all there is in a land without feelings,
Then why should I keep searching,
For a thing I have never really touched?
The unattainable wish has begun to disappear.
Without a hope to hold onto, my future no longer seems so clear.


That image I held inside my head for so long,
Has vanished with every spilt drop of blood,
That has fallen from my eyes.
Those tears for love’s pain,
That I had always wished to so soon be gone,
Are my only memories of that thing we all want;
But I have lost my fire, I have lost my desire and all love I now despise.


Banish this wish from the hole they call my heart.
I have no name for it, or use for it,
Since it’s needs are now fading like a dying star.
Once so noble and so bright and so strong;
Love is now an unknown beauty,
No longer moving within the void that they call my heart.


I can take her into my mind, but too soon she burns away like a candle;
As my love ages, it is already dying, but once it was too hot to handle.
A thing I cannot grasp, without being burnt by deceit
And then I must become wrapped up inside their minds of lies.
My eyes seem to be changing from bright blue to grey,
To match my withering mind.


Time is taking my life, one day at a time;
My destiny is approaching so quickly,
That I cannot hold onto a dream of a better beloved Amy,
Because it has been removed from my memory
And all my needs are becoming more about who I can be,
Not who I want to be.
Now the lover I used to need is always seen walking away from me.


I used to want it all, but too many times I have tried to climb that wall
And when all I need is a new way to go through an open love door,
All I am left with are my lonesome, broken, thoughtless pieces!
My shattered heart is scattered across the floor.


There is no way out of this life that I have lived;
Once upon a dream so big.
I now hide beneath my nothing, because it is all I have to give
And it is all love deserves for the way it has treated me.


My black hole for a soul, has no *** of gold,
At the end of my never before seen rainbow.
For I am cursed, without a vision, to be alone;
In a heart that cannot live, without a daily step into the unknown.


I need an endless set of surprises,
But my love life remains the same…divided.
When all I am in need of is a simple kiss,
I am left to imagine my closed eyelids.


There is nothing between now and then,
But the motion’s that I must go through, without.
Because I can no longer see any chance of love;
I cannot see beauty,
So I can no longer believe.
If nobody can be true to me,
Then to love I can no longer remain devout.


(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

Its been a affecting me
while I've been neglecting me
I'm Always ******* questioning me
Is this all necessary

As the blade cuts blood draws
been fighting in my own war
As i bleed out the answers pour
They not enough i need more

I tell my self I already know
Do I stay or do I go
Its thee end of the show
My last cut final blow

Tell myself and reassure
There will be no encore
Shut and lock the door
watching red stain the floor

Finally...through with it all.