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Joshua Michael Apr 2022
Do not fear my child,
for I am not gone.

I am the wind that
blows through your hair.
I am the sun that
kisses your skin.

I am the rising sun
with rays that glow.
I am the first star
to watch you at night.

For you see I am not gone,
I am here.
I am eternal in our love,
and in our memories.
You say
life is

I say
that’s the only way
you can give it your own
  Jun 2019 Joshua Michael
I am sorry
that my hugs
can be suffocating.
It's not always
because I'm scared
to let you go.
I am just trying
to hold myself
  Jun 2019 Joshua Michael
sometimes i just wanna know
are you sleeping
are you awake
are you dreaming
what are you eating
what does that mouth say
dying to stare into those eyes
driving out into the city life
i bet i could go faster
you torture me
I'm always wondering
what's under your skin
  Jun 2019 Joshua Michael
if what I had
with you
couldn't keep you
with me
then I
don't believe in love
there is no such thing as love
there is lying and cheating
heck there may even be hate
but there is no such thing as love
if there was then you wouldn't have done what you did
with such cruelty, viciousness and selfishness
  Jun 2019 Joshua Michael
I read through our old conversations
some full of love
the morning I tried to make shine for you
you'd wake up and ask me to hold you
I'd say cuddles you
and somehow that was good enough
for you to feel warm
you'd call me crying
when your shoulder ached
I'd calm you
give you love
and you'd be better
it was too easy
too good to be true
late nights you'd text me
asking if I was up
you had a nightmare
and you just want to hold me
I'd just text holds you tight
and almost like magic
you fell back asleep
as if nothing had happened
there were conversations of days
before and days after
your best memories

I read through our old conversations
these were you telling me
how you had never loved me
nor you ever could
I'd say nothing
and everything
in the same lines of empty texts
I'd still sit and hear you tell me
how I wasn't what you had wanted
or when you'd blame me
for being so far away
and leave me to cry in the night
or the texts from when
I called you late night
I'd wanted to say I love you
but you screamed at me
for waking you up too late
you silenced the same special notifications
from calling out your name
there were conversations
where I'd beg you to stay
but you'd leave mid-convo
and disappear
blue ticks turned gray
double ticks turned single

I read through our new conversations
and they aren't on whatsapp
they are right here
in the poetry we write

its me talking about the havoc
that you caused
or you talking about the texts
which you could never send me

its me telling you "I hate you"
when I have nothing to prove that
or you talking of our old memories
the ones that stretch from summer to winter
from spring to autumn

its me filling your whatsapp inbox
so you'd maybe speak your heart
or you adding my name to your contacts

its me trying not to say "I love you"
because I'm more afraid of love
for what it did to me
for what you did to me
or you trying to remind yourself
of what love looked like
when you had it

its me trying to deny love
when I am filled with it
or you trying to hide your heart
behind your mind
I didn't deserve this
you did this
you deserve it
  Jun 2019 Joshua Michael
To you it was always about
how beautiful I find your soul
how much love I give to it
it was always about
how I expressed love
in all the different ways
how much I cared about
the nights you cried
or the days you were happy
how I pampered you
or how I lectured you
it was all about how much
you could take without overflowing
and how much I could give

Love was a one way road for you
a road that didn't bend or curve
where going the other way
was a wrong way
a road with no stop signs
or signals

It was never about
how much love
you could give me back
or how sometimes
you could care about the nights
that were too dark for me
or how some days were just too bright
It was never about
how desirable I was
or how you could show me love
instead of speaking words that were lies
to you
it was about you
and so was it to me

I was finding ways to love you
you were finding more men
who would love you as I did
or ways to love yourself a little more

Love was a one way road
that went your way
and never turned back
your words don't match your actions
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