Standing strong
I still need
someone to hold

Moving faster on than the speed of light
I am stuck here standing still
Make the journey look so easy
The climb is all uphill

I have attempted to take the first step
Cannot manage even minute motion
Limbs must weigh a thousand pounds
Resistance as if in the ocean

My awareness acutely sharpens
Realize I am in over my head
Suspected the pain would hit me eventually
Didn't know it would feel like a ton of lead

Waves of loneliness continue crashing down
Drowning in a sea of solitude
Silence keeps me company at night
Amplifying disquietude

Toxic impure tainted thoughts
Stain images in my brain
One by one they descend and splatter
Like stinging drops of acid rain

Poisoning environment
Questions harsh and demanding
Every breath inhaled is polluted
My body somehow remains standing

Inside hopes are spiraling to the ground
Impact results in fire
Burning dignity
Blackened and charred
Flames that never tire

Wayward demons romp in soul
Delight in my dismay
Carving tic-tac-toe boards into flesh
Misery just another game they play

I reached a brand new all time low
Abandoned strength to care
Cannot find the motivation to do Laundry
Today I wore no underwear

Those unfortunate enough
Cross my path
Targets for my distress
Knowing causing them despair
Does not make mine any less

I bear witness to actions
Hardly can trust my eyes
This selfish behavior is that of
Somebody I do not recognize

A sporadic black hole swallowing light
Eclipsing visible sun
Pacing anxious circles
Trapped
Nowhere to run

I wonder if you gazed at me now
Would you feel any emotion at all?
Have you closed off your heart from me
A tall
Thick
Cement wall?

For one last kiss I would trade with glee
Every possession I own
Nostalgia blooms under skin
Chilling to the bone

I felt lightning when we touched
Flash of passion warm and strong
I feel frozen without that spark
Depending on it so long

The galaxies in eyes were deep
Brighter than the multitude of heavens stars
Shining harder when staring at me
Still sparkle wherever you are

I miss the way torsos collided
Hugging eachother tight
Perfect puzzle pieces molded
Fitting together just right

So much time experienced by your side
Why do I yearn for more?
Should be content with memories
Let you walk out the door

An invisible string tethers me here
Tied with fear and blame
Following like a shadow
Like a moth to flame

A small voice tucked within
Whispered phony fantasies
Argued there was still hope for us
Was wrong to entertain those pleas

You take my universe in palms of your hand
With fingers firmly shake
It collapses
Manage to convince me
It was caused by MY mistake

Again you paint my world grey
Colors fade from sights eyes see
I have no right to be mad that you took them away
You are the one who gave them to me

The day you decided to leave
Without saying goodbye
Consider a sort of funeral
Let our relationship die

Twilight finds us separate places
Dwelling in a dream
I inhabit dreaded ditches
Realities worse than they seem

But I was affected more drastically
By the void left behind
You felt a bit emptier alone
I lost huge chunks of heart and mind

You carried on with your chin held high
No ghosts stalking every move
Recollection of rippling presence
Haunting hologram I can't remove

Into self-pity I throw myself
Asking for merciful end
How else will I find relief?
Tried countless ways to mend

That ends in certain failure
Lacerations cannot fully close
They bleed and bleed and bleed
Dripping out woes

And I was at breaking point
Each cell cracked and shattered
Exploded into tiny particles
Damaged
Across soil scattered

With a gust of wind was disbanded
I'm fated to retrace my tracks
Collecting pieces of my soul
Haven't yet gotten all back

You changed me irreversibly
Can't stand my reflection
Where beauty you used to know once stood
Is a paradigm of imperfection

For life of me I can't remember
When switched from hot too cold
The truth is my temperature dropped
My hand is now too icy to hold

How do I turn the years around?
Still can't find the lever
Why can I not face reality?
Give up this idea of forever

Balance breaking around you
I can't let go and be free
None of this nonsense will regain time lost
It's like you are unable to see

There are way too many bad decisions
I'm trapped by remorse for all
Know I should forgive and forget
I guess my heart is too small

What happened to trusting nature?
When did life stop feeling good?
Can't keep living a comparison
To where I once gladly stood

So I try to focus on the future
You promise not to forget the past
Try to leave regrets behind
Hold me because the minutes fly too fast