My head still hits the bed,
Constantly figuring my hurt,
The source of my pain,
And the path to new love.

I still go to sleep,
Praying for beautiful dreams,
Dreams that aren't about you,
And dreams that come true.

I still wait anxiously,
For that magical day,
When I wake up,
Keeping your thoughts at bay.

I still get lost,
In the middle of my day,
Tired of figuring out,
How long you will stay.

I still had hope,
Until the day you broke,
My heart in million pieces,
In just one stroke.

And now,
It's time to let go.
It's time to let you go.

its a different kind of missing you
i miss you in a sweet little way
a smiley happy bubbly thinking of you way
but also in a deep dark twisty way
a way that makes me want to puke
and i hate it
because i cant feel the sweet happy fluttery feelings
without also feeling the dark twisty ugly things too

i miss you
in ways that hurt
and in ways that heal

funny how time
changes ones persona
snatches time
just to unfold facades
were warned about
mask of destructions
face upfront of lies and
betrayal, only time will
tell when will be its
destruction, a massive explosion
a change for good or for worse
pick which bomb you're
willing to catch
enough to heal you or burn you
till death crawls upon you
like a friend whose trust covered you
like silk that slides through
your insides and cut you
straight out to your guts
ahhh, you'll bleed, silently
painful, at least its here
to cover the wounds your
are afraid to show,
taking its slow
riddance to bid
goodbye, to its familiar
comfort, it took mine
in an instant
swift, unaware
unprepared
went home to find solace in the chaos
just to find out chaos was worse
back in my hometown
sank too deep, drowning
barely breathing
lost control, drank too hard
hard to hear, in a city
that drowned you enough
with the perception of you are home
a bask of sympathy and a whole
lot of crap, thats right
got too fragile
a thin glass face, immerse with hope.
reconnecting seems different
in this era, an exchange of
opinions only they can
dictate, a personal space only them
can invade, a handful of decisions
only them can decide
rage, thats what got to me
but rage in the end will destroy me
peace, its not what your getting
but instead a mirror reflected of the things
that you are actually afraid of
seeking to haunt you in places
your afraid to step foot of
deep, unfiltered
perhaps a decade will
ravel a new character,
stronger and better.

I wonder why I don’t see the beauty and the sparkles of the blossoming cherry trees.
Why I don’t feel the joy hearing the songs of the birds near me.
All I see now is the surge of political hypocrisies.
Blames and hatred ignited by partisan politics fueled by cruelty of humanity.
I thought I was part of the world filled with love, light, and beauty.  
But I am now in the midst of uncertainty,  
where cooperation, unity, and solidarity among people are indeed illusory.
Everything now seems dark, cloudy, gloomy.
Stigma, racism, discrimination, and xenophobia,
the ugliness of humanity.
This crisis tests our capacity to understand, to overcome.
I am now sitting quietly in darkness to transform my fear to trust humanity,
To have patience and slowly erase anxiety.
I am trying to continually believe that we all live under the same glow and glitter of the sun.
And that though we may even have different rivers and mountains,
we still speak the same language.
The language of peace and harmony, the language of love and shared humanity.
I am looking forward soon, on the very day when we humans wake up to a new reality.
With our helpful hands, open arms and compassionate heart, shining each other’s  journey.