Sometimes,, late late at night
I wonder, to myself
If *** could ever be an act of love
If anyone could ever look at my body
Hold it, and want more than physical pleasure
If they could ever look into my eyes
With passion and warmth
I wonder if I'll ever be loved deeply
For more than what's on the surface
If it could be meaningful and poetic again
I wonder if the word love
Will ever regain it's importance in my vocabulary
If it will ever again be something to earn
And not desperately given
Please, accept my heart
Take it and do not throw it away
Will my heart ever be something
Worth keeping, again?

I know you love someone else now
and I hope she makes you happy
Gives you all the things I never could
And I know you're never coming back
But I still miss you
Every day
Every sleepless night is full of thoughts
About how I could have been better
Should have been better
Every little thing I did wrong
Every little regret
My head is haunted by your love
By the things I've lost
By the ghost of your arms around me
The smell of your hair
I hate myself
For everything.

She is my moon and sun
She pulls my tides
And brings heat to my skin
She fills my darkness
And brightens my skies
And even when there are clouds
I know she is there
Waiting for the storm to fade
For the earth to turn
So I can see
Yet another side of her

When I held up that pink stick
And you saw the fear in my eyes
You held me then
Told me it would all be okay
Told me you would always be here
That you'd never leave
You told me you loved me
And that we could do it
Together.

Do you remember that?
Together?

Because now all I can remember is the way you left
The way you lied
The way I'm doing this
Not together
Just me
And my baby
The one you put in me
The one we were going to raise
Together

That night
I traced our hands in chalk
On the sidewalk where anyone could see
I proclaimed, in pink dust,
"S+N 4 ever"
How stupid
How could I forget?
Forever isn't real
It's delusional
And pathetic
And any person who promises you forever
Is lying, to you and to themselves
Because forever can't happen
Love is not meant to be forever
Not for me
Love rips through me like a storm
And leaves me damp and disheveled when it's done
Back in the dirt
Like the nasty little worm I am

Here I come
Crawling back
To the ***** pit
Where I leave it all
The place I go to
To empty out
To feel nothing
For a while
The place I use
Like a dish rag
To wipe up my mess
And keep it all together