I wanted to write a poem about you.
but what can my words describe.
such a beauty in blue.
i wanted to start with the beauty, the eyes, the love that grew.
i wanted to continue with your laugh blending with your gaze in hue.
but what can words describe.
such a beauty in blue.
when all i can see is a miracle, when all i can see is you.
My weak stanzas struggle, and my pen faints.
when i try and imagine your powerful haze.
when i try to look into your playful gaze.
when i try to imagine you.
such a beauty in blue.

Gaze on me now,
I'm not well known,
With my pen taps and frown.

Well the truth is,
I'm real well known,
This just ain't my town.

I frolic among ruins, my own creation
I dance with enemies long dead
Their ghosts still whisper condemnation,
I laugh at words unsaid.

A crown of thorns, a throne of dust,
I rule the wreckage with delight.
Let them curse me if they must—
Their shattered bones are quite the sight.

I tip the scales, I rig the game,
I drink the venom, wear the blame.
What fun is virtue, meek and hollow,
When sin is sweeter to swallow?

I set the fire, I stoked the blaze,
Watched it burn with a gilded gaze.
Regret’s a game for fools to play—
I’d raze it all again today.

What joy it is to know damnation
And still refuse to change or stand,
To greet the flames with exultation,
A willing fate at my own hand.

She gazes at me, those stone-cold eyes,  
Piercing deep, where my heart pumps.  
That stare, a curse, of sweet deception,  
Binding my mind in desperate obsession.  

My eyes bleed salt, my knees start to quake,  
I plead for forgiveness for my audacity to stare.  
For gazing upon that divinely carved face,  
I pray for her eyes to let me leave.  

I push my fingers deep into my eyes,
casting a shadow over her devilish smile that keeps me bounded.
I dig them deeper into the skull,
I feel the past mistakes,
the green fields, and her.
It the only cure that slowly stops the ache of her hands,
deep inside my ribs.

Stars upon which I gaze from here on Earth,
Each one special, formed in space in its "solar birth."
When I look up to find my "special star,"
In one swift scan, I see you shining so bright, yet so far.
It's hard to find you sometimes with other stars shooting by so fast.
If I could just grab you and keep you, my "special star" in a jar so you could last.
Oh, if I could just hold you right here in this jar made of glass...
I can never touch you by hand, as you're a giant ball of gas.
But if I were to keep you sitting high on a mantle,
My "special star" would be like a trophy in a fine case, only for my hands to handle.
My "special star" is a treasure, so
If you take it from me and then let it go,
My heart would shatter like glass,
My heart would disappear like vapor,
If my "special star" is taken from me, then my constellation would not be complete.
My constellation wouldn't home my "special star" that completes the entirety of me.

Leanne 11/15/24 updated 12/3/24