No need to thank me.
I mean, what are bullies for?

If not to force you
to face the unpalatable.
To confront you
with the cruelest kindness.

To unrelent with unfair truth
leaving you no choice,
but to fight for your life
and strengthen your defence.

What are best bullies for?
But to boost the beast
for when he's needed.

No need to thank me.
You'd do the same for me.

If I could speak to you one more time,

I’d tell you about all the great and terrible things I’ve done
Hear your voice crack as you laugh at the fact that I tripped on a gap in the sidewalk again.

I'd get to see you dressed up for prom
and run across the lacrosse field
and even shake the hand that handed you your diploma.

I’d like your posts, filled with new friends you made at college,
and might even get the chance to dance with a few of them.

If I could speak to you one more time,

I’d explain that I hear you in the singing of the summer cicadas
and I see your smile in every shade of purple that exists in the world
and feel your hugs in every tie-dye t-shirt I wear.

I’d forgive you for making March the hardest part of the year
and even survive the month without shedding a tear.

If I could speak to you one last time,

I’d whisper I love you despite it making your eyes roll.
I’d say thank you for filling my childhood with endless laughter.

If I could speak to you one last time,

I’d probably be too emotional to say anything at all.

So, I’d just hold you for a little bit longer.

Bathed in trauma, poured on you,
Blindly making excuses, I didn't have a clue,
Unintended harm was not my aim,
I swear, from my heart, that's the truth I claim.

Just give me a chance to prove I can change,
Don't turn away, let's break this estrange,
I've learned my lessons, I'm ready to grow,
I can transform, this I truly know.

Lost in the past, flipping photo albums' pages,
Seeking smiles, wondering through the ages,
But now I see the present with fresh eyes,
Fixing what's wrong, no more disguise.

A shared prison, unaware we both dwelled,
Failed to communicate, the stories we withheld,
I tried to speak of demons deep within,
Unaware they held me tight, drowning in their sin.

I plead for a chance, believe I can mend,
Break free from the covers, where the pain won't extend,
Yesterday's weight won't hold us down,
Together we'll rise, wearing courage as our crown.

Glimpsing photos, memories of distant travels,
Questioning why joy seemed to unravel,
But it's not about them, or what they comprehend,
Finding my worth, letting my true self ascend.

Losing my muse, an ache deep within,
Placing you on a pedestal, where love had once been,
Our best memories like a festival's delight,
But I clung too tightly, clouding our sight.

Hurting you, hurting myself, a tangled mess,
I thought I suffered more, but it was just a guess,
Overloaded with clichés, patched on our dark days,
Unaware I was the setup, before the closing phrase.

Keep donning your cape socks, a symbol of strength,
In the end, you shaped me, helping me find my true length

I don't know where to start,
As I write this from the heart.
And since the day you left us,
We are bleeding from the heart.

We only met so recently  ,
Four years ago in fact.
You came to visit on Christmas Eve,
Danced in the yard with Tsietsi

I still don't know what happened,
We still think of you every day
I could not attend your funeral
I wanted you here to stay

Bandile I'm sorry,
Is all I can say,
I can't write without crying,
Pain doesn't go away

Such a huge person,
With such a huge heart,
With such a huge smile,
And a voice that is still heard

So full of life,
You filled us with life too,
Your happiness, optimism,
Philosophical you

But Bandile I remember
So terribly terribly well
The night of that phone call
And how the world just fell

How could this be true?
We saw you last weekend
You talked to me about dying,
But it wasn't part of the plan!

After patching you up last year
With a hole in your head that day
I always worried,
But not you; life's too short you say

And then you left us
Nobody knew what to do,
A dark cloud over Soweto
A community heartbroken, it's true

People carried on,
As funerals require,
Maybe you gave them strength,
But I've never seen people so tired

The unanswered questions,
Keeping our wounds open,
Unable to accept or believe,
Easier to pretend.

For me that's what happened
I pretended it wasn't true
It was so impossible.
Anyone, but not you.

You are full of life to me
Calling me "Emmerentia"
And I think you always will be
A beautiful image forever

I have so much to tell you,
But your philosophy sticks with me
I try to use it to help me
I see how it set you free

You went before your time
Never came to eastern cape
We had so many plans,
Then in seconds they evaporate

I think we all feel the same
And we probably always will
We wanted to speak to you one last time
To hear your cheerful voice

Bandile you are such a good friend,
A brother, a father too,
The kind gentle giant
Is how we remember you

It still seems unreal
At least for me it does
But I didn't want to say goodbye
Where would we put all the tears?

Stoicism kept you strong
The one comfort we may take
Knowing you'd say "that's enough"
"No more crying", "let's just dance"

I cannot finish this poem
Because there's too much to say
You live on with all of us
And forever you will stay

Bandile we all love you
Orlando West, Rockville,
Rosebank as well as Soweto
Will never be the same without you

With love always from the bottom of my heart, I write looking at mount Ararat. Finding the peace I needed to start.

For you Bandile.
Or as iPhone called you " ban dyl zondo!"

You're so right....life is short.
💔🙏😥🥀⛰️🏔️🌠🕯️🕯️🕯️

it's not that I'm antisocial
that I want to be alone
or friends are an intrusion
to my fragile state of mind
it's just that I'm protecting you
from the madness behind
my eyes

i’ve known you more years than you’ve ignored me

the clock ticks into the lonesome hours
hung up on a single midnight prayer
lingering on the lips of a bandit
the strange humanoid breeze stirring the silky curtains
swear i can hear harsh whispers underneath the sheets

elusive, like time
you racing along cemetery roads
rainy fog splashing quickly upon your rosy face
i see a lighthouse glow coming from the depths of your soul
it blinks twice, for help, but when i come closer
the sea turns jet black, with only the moon as a fickle witness
unreliable narrator, strung on the words i’m convinced are true

i remember the phone ringing and my feet sprinting to pick it up
now you hanging up on me instead of the line
the cord snapped off, a strategic static
six different rings and betting that it is you
on the other end,
but instead it’s just ghostly noises and faint memories hung out in the yard like wet laundry

i’m crying the bullets you shot into me
they come out of my pores, into my shaky hands,
and i lose every sense of my existence
it feels rare to belong, so impossible to fit into the correct puzzle piece

the floodwater so murky and enigmatic
the clock ticks and i start to hear your laugh
from the sky
it dives into the walls of this crumbling house,
singing as in amusement or sheer fear

devote my life to migration
moving to places where your feet have stood,
but it’s never permanent
the fire is almost so inviting,
gifting a warmth that no human being ever could
hot coals and embers, but it doesn’t burn
it feels like belonging.

Because you are a dear, dear friend,
as dear as you can be;
A person sweet, a joyous treat
to work here next to me.

Of greatest wealth your superb health,
until a cold you catch;
The bills, the phone, you can't stay home,
and so a plan you hatch.

To work I'll go, I must not show,
that really I feel lousy;
No pills I'll take for goodness sake,
that could cause me to be drowsy.

Your nose will run, you'll say "Oh ***,
a tissue may I borrow?
Please do not lock your tissue box,
I'll pay you back tomorrow!"

So,
Because you are a dear, dear friend,
and I would not want to miss you;
This HOLIDAY SEASON my special gift,
YOUR VERY OWN BOX OF TISSUE!