Love you but it hurts like Hell
To see what I do to you
Since the moment we met it seems
Your life has crumbled, fallen through.

Can tell you don't want to blame me
For problems that have risen
What other explanation is there
How we ended up in this position?

Not sure where I led you astray
But amidst dazed conversations
We got lost, wandered off the path
Into a forest of fazing situations.

One catastrophe after the next
Round in circles we run
Lightning strikes, vengeance proud
Each time we think we are done.

Don't know what I did to cause
Pause in progress to your goals
You are falling in *****-traps
Don't remember digging any holes.

Careless steps have consequences
Put fences in your tracks
Unwittingly tackled defenses
Attacks leaving dents on your back.

My smile is weapon of choice
Clearly broken but bear arms
Friends don't think I possess enough strength
My blows do not cause you harm.

Once upon a time we had magic
Holding onto lovestruck days
Holding something quickly fading
Chilled fingertips can hardly graze.

Doubt haunts my every move
Cools the fire which burned so strong
Instinct telling me to run
The picture before me is wrong.

Misguided, confused, questioning everything
More hopeless each troubling day
Broken, insecure, misery loves company
Will I stop painting your skies grey?

I failed in so many inconsiderate ways
A destroyer of all things good
In this prison I know as my life
Regretting decisions I should.

See you stumble on my flaws
Don't know why you stay with me
Think of how much I've  worsened your world
Our future black with all we can't be.

You say I'm golden

I say, "that's a lie."

I'm sun-dappled at most

Yet you still smile

In the shadows of my light.

My bad moods loom, solstice

Too often, I ache for heat.

Still, you speak of my radiance

When I feel like a garish Vegas effigy.

In the end, though

I'll let your illusions be.

But, love

Even if you think I'm light's zenith

Being your star

Is enough for me.

Oh my sweet demon how I adore you so
We have ridden together many years
Your whispers comfort me when I’m low
You create and extinguish all my fears

You bring me the anxiety that’s grown closely
To my racing heart and dark mind
You bring me the shadows I love so dearly
Why do you have to be so sweet and kind?

I have grown up with you by my side
At first my enemy now ...  best friend
My heart is dark from where you reside
Leave! I ask, but this rule you will not bend

My sweet demon you are in my head
Taunting me and speaking sweet terrors
I cannot **** you for you sleep in my bed
You live in me because of all my errors

Demon, you bring familiarity in the night
The shadows that follow us I know too well
They are our friends too, of that I’m right
Spinning me forever, a never ending carousel

I find...
I,
enjoy making fun
of myself
...
pulling out my flaws
and
like colorful balloon animals,
twisting them
into wacky creations
shapes
to laugh at

-Not me
the flaw
to see how silly I can
be

But what scares me
is,
does this
hint
at another flaw
I
seem
to
have?

I can smell jealousy moons away now
For I have been a fool too long...

Longing for meaning and acceptance
In a brutal battle between
Body and mind
Bruising one or the other or both
On the brinks of breaking
all of one could possibly insist,
insane

Internally elaborate, full of tales robust in beauty
bountifully flawed

How I used to see myself

These eyes that shine through the glass
These eyes that water from the smell of grass
Yeah I’m allergic, to the constant cut lawn
But that’s only one of my flaws that has yet to be drawn
As a line, I can only see so far
Yet I can see farther without the lens, how bizarre
I used to think like I was apart of the trend
What society, media, and the news transcend
I would try to pretend that I wasn’t what was depicted
The type of discrimination made most from fiction
I am just a simple person, just like the rest
Well, not entirely simple, but nonetheless
I need glasses so that I don’t have to squint
It makes my life easier yet nerds represent
Those with four eyes, under the guise of friendship he was betrayed
Cause you’re smart others seek that for comfort
I am another person, I left out simple I am unique, not simple, yet I grew up with pimples
So not only do you wear glasses but covered in acne I was actually bullied in middle school because of this
I was called “acne,” to my face by a girl all day, every day, yes I began to hate my face
I hated the feeling it gave me when I looked at the mirror
No way in hell was proactive making it clearer
I hit puberty harder than I knew with a deep voice, squinty eyes that made me look high, and a cratered face, fat build so I floated like the moon
I really hated my figure until I grew
I grew into the body that my thoughts would never know
I acknowledged myself though And that will remain a fact, I learned I needed to love myself first before I could love another
Why? Because to me these eyes that I used to see
Would one day have someone staring back and if I didn’t love myself, how could I expect the other to love me
I see with these eyes today, looking at myself and see things way incredibly differently

I don’t care how others perceive me, From rumors they’ve heard or from the hate that others serve I can care less.

All I know is what’s in front of me now
These eyes that see more than a few steps in front of me I believe that one day I’ll have more, than a dresser drawer as my art space
Something brighter than my own face
Right now I can’t help but smile I smile cause I feel like I’ve walked a long mile
And honestly, I’ll take each day at a time I see with these glasses sometimes a broken frame
And at that point, I normally tape them up
And smile again