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  Jun 2019 Keyan R
And no poem
No pretty words
No melancholic art
Could sum up
The pain
In my heart
short but yeah
Keyan R Mar 2019
I don’t know why people think I’m upset
My ex is gonna get married and I am going to school
Financial support is just for fools who don’t understand that our days are numbered in this checkered landscape
Sometimes you might jump over a pond and fall into a lake, but that’s just life learn to swim for another day
Sure I was upset, but was is a pas-tense word
Just like the love I once had. It’s in the past.
My ex decided to change our relationship to lovers to what we were in our youth of high school..being honest we were two peas in a pod. Best of friends..did everything together..maybe that's where to co-dependency developed. I don't know.
Keyan R Mar 2019
At odd ends it’s crazy, seeing how we used to be
I must be the lazy one, always looking out at sea
You see I never ignore the shore, I love to explore the floor call it a tour
I’m not even full of glee, the magic is never as bright as it seems
You’re supposed to be my best friend, yet you’re gone cause of some salt water in your mouth
I want to stop the doubt but I recognize that someone has been influencing lies; Saying we’ve done worse things at one time, that She’ll be fine, and I should let Her go this is a sign
I sigh constantly stressing, I don’t know if this is a trial, a testing, cause right now I have nothing
This is harder than I ever thought it would be, this is the pain in my train of thought
I think about You in more ways than I ought
This isn’t about You though I am just letting off steam but You’re a main factor in this head full of dreams
Broken and bashed in my spirit is trampled, I’m left confused for this was a harmless joke
Am I just a muse for your little gag, at least I came to talk to you after the fact
But the thing that hurts the most is you lied, and I gave the chance yet you denied said you were gonna apologize together despite you’re suppose to be my ride or die?
I don’t know anymore telling the truth, I’m more alone now seeing the route I’m not being used these are my honest computes
In my mind the only solution is quitting this contribution .. it doesn’t feel like you’re the same like you’re not trying
And this is punishment or maybe you’re showing your true fangs, this is just lame and I don’t know why I feel forced to apologize constantly for that security without a gain
My circle is small, and I’m gonna close it, I’ll see your outside with the same face I froze with
My friends thought it would be better to see me smiling rather than being so depressed and down in the dumps. So they covered my car in chocolate sauce and mini marsh mallows. A little gag...but little did they know...
Keyan R Mar 2019
There’s no way that my being is defined by clockworks, sure we see time fly by and things come and go
But my being isn’t defined by that amount I know, I refuse to let my time be dictated by the endless tick-tocks
I can decide when to face anything and everything when I want to, and that is not destiny casting a choice at me
Credit is given where credit is due, I have more things I need to do, and so little...
Time? No, I have so much time and so little freedom to get it done, I would love to sit and play, and laugh the day away
Although there is a balance that creates an income, of questions and I don’t have answers until I am presented
self-control: guilt, ignorance: awareness, doubt: confidence,

[I am going to make a lot of changes, sorry if you get left behind in the storm. The ocean is a provider, and I realized I haven’t been left out to drown...but to learn to swim on my own. I forgive everyone who has recently done things to me and made me feel a certain way. I forgive you but won’t forget.]

I am here on this earth, created by God.
I am here to live a life that isn’t just guided by Jesus, but to enjoy the gift given to all
I am here to make mistakes, sometimes I’ll fall,
I am a man and will provide and stand up, and be tall,
I am fighting so much because what I want isn’t mine,
I am going to get it soon, I image it daily
I am visualizing the day you might find me
Nowhere close to the past behind me
I am a being with so much potential
And will always be riding the flow of the ocean as far as she’ll take me.
My ex and new boyfriend constantly said the word destiny so much that I saw everything as a beginning and an end. This destiny, timeline, ******* just continued to frustrate me. The world is constructed by a single line from point A to point B and I had to realize that as I evolved through my depression. Some people just sit and mop, and that's not me. I might get down but I have to get up.
Keyan R Mar 2019
I don’t think anyone takes me seriously when I say I’ve try to commit suicide.
I don’t think anyone would truly be affected if I did.
Sure a lot of sad people and only body dead, gone from the earth, yet spirit rose again.
Noise canceled in my own box, sly sleep now sneaky fox.
Two tails no heads, always at odds lengths.
Drowning in sorrow walked off the ledge.
I’m okay, don’t worry about me.
This is me just venting, I never get sentimental.
I want to get outside my own head, but what’s the point when you’re dead.
Is that too morbid, did I say something horrid?
Then I’m sorry you feel that way,
And here I lay.
After seeing how my ex had become. I felt that I failed even after breaking up. How I could let her walk such a path, alone without anyone to help her. I wasn't there, why wasn't I ? Why did I turn my back when she needed me the most...the depression sank its claws into my flesh and tore me limb to limb. I sank and I couldn't swim, I was drowning.
Keyan R Mar 2019
The darkness clouded my head thoughts of sad misery casting a forecast of despair and mercy
I saw her, that night with a pack of many, she explained to me she wanted nothing to do with me
I chose this path and plenty of time escaped the gasp of breathes within me
The reality I sought out for was right beneath me, I refused to see it
I refused to know the feelings of the one I called home
I turned my back on her on my own,
Now I have nothing a black sunken hole, I did that to myself
I chose to take a path by sipping the poison-filled glass
How long will this feeling last? He said eternity

I would rather die, but she takes away the ability
I would rather really die, no lie; Is the fine line with no strings attached?
The pain is buried in my chest...the anxiety layered note shoved inside a bottle
I bottle my feelings every day. No one knows how I really feel...I lie, I cheat, I steal, I envy, I regret so much that I let it take me to the edge
I drowned at the beach and the sea spit me back out, to endure the hot sands, sinking on land is the defeat?
I asked how she was and they said it's a blessing she's feeling the best she can right now
Moved on in a months time why didn't I see her in my right mind
I refused to even budge only relied on resources outside of me
Listening to the voices of others as I lost my main focus
I went to see my ex. She had a boyfriend, 7 years means nothing to someone constantly depending on others instead of learning to grow without the wooded post to keep you up. It was only a month...still how can I be the one to be upset when I broke up with her.

They both insisted on the use of crystals and tried to sever the bond between our souls. How odd...
Keyan R Mar 2019
I’ve thought about you all day today,
This day is significant, it’s a special day
I made macaroni and was my first time
To think I would have gained something more impactful than pasta
To think I’ve lost more than myself these last days
To think I could heal wounds with words and sincerity
I think I think too much.
With shaky hands I adjust the instrument of my addiction
Was it fact or fiction,
I breath in, in, in..
Eyes flutter as the waves of pleasure hits
This feeling probably is a better option than to slit my wrists
To twist my lips and take a sip
To sip my dreams and blow it into life,
You speak what you want into the universe and it’ll provide
You were my drug of choice, I know you’re no good for me
And thought I swear my lips will never touch you again
Here we are, I listen to voicemails hearing your sweet words caress my smoke
I am nothing more, honestly a joke. I claim I helped you when you were in darkness murk
Yet I am the one sloshing away, **** pathetic how I miss what this day means
Regretting everything, I hate this reality I chose for me
Your chemical abandons my brain and I hold my head in my hands
I cry, like a bottle of water splashing onto the floor
The bottle is empty and I am the same
It’s incredible how stupid I am, how I lost so much, and gave so little to the one I loved
I stare up from the bottom of the bottle occasionally, but lately I’m just drifting
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