Ink, spreading through my soul, my life, as I scribble endlessly:

Don't tell me this is normal, having two
Opposite sides of myself.
Never understanding how I can believe
Two opposing things at the same time.

Kindness always, but I long to be cruel. Love, but sometimes I
Need to hate, to feel the fire burning in my soul. The
Origin of this duality remains unknown, regardless of
What intense measures I have taken to try to understand myself.

Why am I so split? Why do I feel like I
Have to mask constantly to hide my dark side, to pretend like I'm
Only strange, not truly crazy.

I wonder sometimes what's wrong with me.

Am I falling deeper and deeper into
Madness every day?

Ask anyone: I'm "too nice". I'm sweet and enthusiastic and
Naive. But that is only one part of me. Nobody knows that every
Year I am forced to question if I am truly as good as the
Mask I put on. Yes, I am good. But I am also evil. My mind is an
Ocean, both life and death all at once. Am I just overthinking? Will I
Regret all of this worry, or regret that I didn't
Enlighten myself to the wonders and horrors of my mind sooner?

Wearing songdance
Long time ago
Weaving a picture
Motion-slow

Grasping the nature
Of the unknown
Stumbling, falling
On the hard floor

Words, what are they?
Abstract objects in mind?
Fears? Seem so heavy,
But are rarely right.

Strange debates
One perceives
But it depends
On what one believes

Once projection
Takes over one's mind,
Chains reaction
Makes one real blind

And disconnected
In the abyss
May one still be able
To call life a bliss

Beauty may differ
In stranger's view
Mountains may move

If love is true.

a sense of desertion
combined with
a sense of purpose
is a lethal combination;
false, or true.

a gust of wind sweeping through
an abandoned campfire,
in the right direction
(𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨, 𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦)
will take down the
entire forest.

Loving you
Is as much an imprisonment
As it is a freedom.

Imprisoned by the thread of deep knowing
And shared experience...

Held captive by a longing heart -
Stuck in the memories of yesterday.

The ache of love is heavy in my chest,
Squeezing at my ribcage
Like a straitjacket.

The more i struggle for freedom,
The further entangled
I become...

For loving you
Is my life sentence.

It is the cage in which i now willingly sit,
Accepting my fate.
As the monk who sits in his cave -
I have made peace with my decree...

To be held,
In this love...

Forever.

I am the Light,

creation’s full breadth,
a spring breeze,
a blooming flower,
a selfless giver,
full of dreams
and a naive hope.

I am the Dark,

stagnation’s great champion,
a dying star,
a shambling corpse,
a perpetual sleeper,
full of dreams
and a ragged guilt.

i am these Two–
and I am one more.

oh please,
let me shine,
please let me–
it's cold,
i’m drowning,
please remember,
please don’t forget,
please don’t–
please–

oh please,
make it stop,
please stop it–
it’s bright,
i’m burning,
I need peace,
please be quiet,
please leave–
please–

please save me.

i am Tormented.

I feel nothing matters.
I feel recreated and unformed all at once.
I feel my crown and throne has been usurped,
and I feel as a beggar, never knowing
the pleasure of power or possession.
I feel entirely different and still exactly the same.
I feel love for no reason
and pleasure and pain simultaneously.
I see life and death assault the senses
in each frame. I sense each moment as death
and rebirth entwined. I am the Goddess I dreamed to see
and the Devil I feared to face. I am totality.
I am infinite space as I embody the dust of Earth.
I am not and yet nothing - I can call it,
nothing, is - somehow.