I dread this day every year,
and as I search the card isle
I fail to find a card that fits our story.

You see our story isn't one that I am proud of,
as this day is a reminder of what I don't have.
I see the way that you look at me from across the table,
the way you crinkle your brow.
I know I am not who you want me to be.
My life reflects the grace of God that I want you to see,
feel, know, and cherish.

I'm different.
My heart is soft and tears freely flow,
sometimes frustrating me, too.
Apologise, I won't.
The **** is broke,
and all I am left with are memories that haunt my soul.

Today I receive the pain,
the sadness that you bring to me.
I soak it in and choose to feel it,
to breathe it in, and acknowledge it.
Today I will cry,
but I will also hold on to the fact that I'm adopted,
by a God who satisfies my heart.

The radio is buzzing from time to time
I see only darkness
I feel only warmth
The radio stops singing
Now, Im getting scared

The darkness is eating
Is eating my mind!
The leash is sure broken
But Can it be kind!?


I repeat and repeat:
It's all in my head
But now there's a cage
A cage in my bed

Once time so youthful
Old age creeps into being
Near as black wings fly

All morning I lie in my bed

Aware of my  dread for the day ahead

Maybe if I close my eyes and fall asleep

will the day be lead away unsaid

We beach walked at night
Unseen waves knocking
Driftwood under soles