i just want to disappear
get a chance to eat the warming scones from the oven
and just melt away in stars and sky of navy and grey;
i just want to disappear
to fly and to leave anywhere i want or desire or dream;
i'm dreaming of melting away from where i am
for i am floating already,
why can't i just disintegrate altogether;
altogether
yes a distant memory;
forever alone isn't something you would think of until
it actually happens;
although it's not something you realize unless you've
tried love and
and been scared, afraid of what the
person on the other end of the letters is thinking;
i just want to disappear
far away into the hands of someone who cares
not just about my picture but my pulse,
someone who looks not just at my eyes but at each
individual colouring strand inside
my plain brown eyes;
i just want to disappear so no one will have to face
my retched thoughts and unattainable dreams;
i just want to disappear so my friends won't have
to look at a scared
                            pathetic
                     ­              unhappy
                                          awkward
lonely person and have sympathy for me if they even do;
which if i were on the outside of my slinky body
i wouldn't;
i wouldn't just want to leave but disappear for it
seems that it's what i'm best at;
i just want to disappear
from my picturesque world that you couldn't
even take a nice picture in;
i just want to disappear
from my ocean of held back tear,
my shield of fearlessness,
a fake smile that a murderer would wear,
the impression i have on the other lives of people,
and just
i just
want to disappear,
to run away,
and to not have to cause any drama or half broken feelings to anyone,
to not correct people for their non-existent flaws that are really
my own
personal balled up feelings;
i just want to disappear,
fly away into the clouds and heavens of an unreal dream;

i just want to,

i just want to disappear,

disappear

away

fly away

and never come back
never have my flimsy feet touch the beautiful ground
never let my ruined soul harm a single cell of
anyone worth anything to a single thing;
i just want to disappear
i just want to disappea
i just want to disap
i just want
i just
i






- nameless and remaining

I would like to put my palms before me.
Spread the fingers far apart
and watch daphne trees sprout between them.
Raise the trunks way up in the sky
until they reach mystic Titan
and its sirens at the bottom of the lake.
I would like for the tops to stop the winds
and hurricanes coming my way.
****** away the worries and anxieties.
Hide at the roots in calm silence.
I would like for my skin
to turn transparent
and then dissolve into gray and blue smoke.
If I could I would let my muscles melt
into crimson jelly
and let it drip through my nostrils.
Let the blood feed the soil at my feet
so that yellow and red tulips
grow up to my knees.
Crush my bones into a fine white powder
and let it drift away.
Vanish me into the air
and let me mix with all that is beautiful.

I am a gentle rain
On a cool spring day

I will provide you sustenance
Help you grow

Gone as quick
And softly as I came

As I lay down in the soaked grass,
The mud squishing into every crevice and nook,
I imagine myself melting.

Like leftover snow in early spring,
When the first showers come and erase the remains of winter.

I am the winter.
The rain dissolves me with every drop,
Until I am nothing but an element
Absorbed by the earth.

And the world forgets I was ever here...

You are fake when you are there.
You make me lead a life of damage so disappear.
We are not talking all that gobbledygook.
If you do not know what you did to my life just look.
No more of me trying to placate around.
I can not find anyone to listen right now.
You just scuttle along your business.
Because you ripped me away from my true path of this existence.
Always the one to make me a maladroit.
Sometimes I think you do this to annoy.
It made me feel like a pipsqueak in a vast universe.
You will never make the grade with the past you coerce.
You were always the one to instigate me to aggress.
A kind of quality I could not digest.
My heart is beating like a rataplan.
If you think I can’t stop you, I can.
This is my final written gesture.
Now my life will no longer fester.
I grow forever fonder.
Because I will no longer sit and ponder.
As the years grow faster.
The years you took forever will remain a disaster.
I have been made an ugly creature.
So sit back and enjoy what fight I have left in here.
Here are the new rules.
I have you in stitches, so do not move.

The cries I never had to hear
ring in my head;
keep my heart heavy.
Cries of loved ones;
cries of lost ones.
        Gunshots ring louder.
        Voices grow quieter.
Faces become shadows.
Lights once flickering bright,
fade into the night.
We scroll quickly with mindless fingers
while they fade like distant memories.
Faces to be forgotten.
Until it happens,
        again.
        No time to mourn.
I fade into an abyss
of news and media
filled with violence;
an abyss called hopelessness.
       We disappear
              into its darkness
                       together.

The rose will disappear
in the shadow of the night
for a moment or two.
Just for a cool break
only to bloom on the Moon!

are my only friends
the shadows around me
they seem to follow me everywhere
and accompany me
like a friend would
are u my friend?
come and take my hand
bring me into your world
we shall disappear