I shower everyday but
It is not enough
I can not be clean enough.
I need to be cleaner.
Cleaner. Cleaner. Cleaner.
I want to be clean and new
But every rinse leaves me withering
It is drying
My skin leaving me
in cracks and holes
My hair is falling out.
I do not remember the last time
I scrubbed every inch of the filth away.
It clings to me.
It has found shelter in me.
It is a part of me.
I want to be clean.
I want it gone.
I do not remember the last time I was clean.
I do not remember the last time I showered.

l.s.

I haven't a place in this world
I have no one to trust
I have a need to hide
I have a want to trust
I have a want to love
And to be loved for in return
I have a need to glove
My feelings and my hurt
So no one will every know
How much I feel like dirt...

picture me of dirt and
    relieve yourself and watch it and be pleased
    and return to the trampoline

The gap between the platform and the subway car
seems to grow the closer you get to it
Until crossing it seems like the worst idea you could make
But you close your eyes and brave the void
Taking care not to thin about the tracks beneath
So alive in their snaking routes and tortured screeches.
The doors shut abruptly once you've sardined inside
And its all you can do to grab onto something, anything
Before the wheels begin to turn again
And you're lurched into some other time,
Some other place
As the tunnels decide what your fate will be.
And the doors will open again
As a ghost of a platform appears
But commuters be weary
For the tunnels and the tiles can be deceitful
So as you leave the decay
And the fractured tiles behind
Take caution
You might not notice it at first
You might not notice it at all
But the subway tunnels are unpredictable
And they enjoy making the rules
So the vortex you thought you imagined with the tunnel's lights speeding past the windows of the train
Might have actually transported you to some unknown city
To some other dimension
And there's no turning back.

foreign tongue fast babbling phone call
to half a world away genetic kin
easy as dirt
like the dirt that owns the blood
half a century away
land of snows and lapis sky
hungry maroon monks incanting
barbaric yawp pujas in
decadent political system
controlling the yellow spirit and red blood
of happy ignorant sad intelligent humanity
of the there then
it's always been like this world
when mighty mao and red army liberates
with bullets prisons mortars torture
barrel of the gun communist truth
rippin tongues out with meat hooks
father of such misery you can not see
they treat everyone like this
not just you         yaa that dirt

the road in front of you is a simple dirt road
in the the middle of nowhere; one step too far
one step beyond the point of no return.
the directions has lead you astray
one winding dirt road after another
you can’t seem to find your way
you're so rattled by where to turn next
at every corner there's another road to follow
only to end up where you begun
it feel as if there's no way out of this maze
no matter how many turns you take
the right turn is the one you want to make
your destination may be unknown
with so many directions to choose
take a minute to think as you continue
you might come across some obstetricals
things might get a little puzzling
there might even be rocks blocking your path
you might get confuserd but continue to walk on
kick each small pebble and toss them aside
don't let them stop your flow
life can sometimes keep us down
there will always be a dark cloud
we cant seem to get rid of but we have
to stay strong and try to blow it away
there is a piece of sunshine for everyone
you just have to keep on walking