I, round the brae of Howth in chalky light,
Lamented my lot more spent in sport than play.                                                  
There, land appeared disinterested and sight
Was a teary well.  Cold was the shivering day,
And my frame, a ghost of shadow, was erased,
It receded like the fog.  Just then, overhead
I saw brave birds engaged, a raptor traced
A mourning dove’s faltering flight, how it fed
Its own shining sense of purpose, for not
Wanton sport or lordly state do falcons
So hunt, nor did the bird in peril belabour
His reason, rather he tried avoiding those talons.
A question answered itself within my breadth,
Survival resides in a pageantry of death.

Helium halos fade,
So often I'm awake in my coffin,
Coughing out a blackened soul,
A stop sign nailed on chest,
This is the crossroads,
To an unknown wasteland,
Where the angels are hung from cactuses,
A fire struck the marker holder in the chalkboard sky,
And there lit a billion, brilliant stellar matches,
Now where do I go,
Away from this desperation,
Away from the smiles,
Of fertilized desecration,

.
I make my way into the shroud,
To wrap my heart with air and bone,
Watching the skies for a different way
And every turn is made of stone.
I listen for the sound of a hushed leaf,
Falling in eddies that twist and jar
Only to dry and drift, teasing away,
For this is the time for old foundations,
In stepping line for sandy beaches parade
Of wind and vein, set to blaze, cold refrain,
With night accord and smoking whisper,
For love gleams in a painted bottle of dust
I cannot rub, the heart twines, shores,
In others I see floating but know not,
With creeping time, accord I am keeping
My dates so glazed, sharply knotched
In telling tales to hemlock and oak
By world of darkening clouds make,
Dreams indifferent as the sun,
Colours of joy I cannot hear.

People tried to listen, cheered me up
Telling me it’s okay and I shouldn't give up
But they will never understand my situation
For a young heart, I felt this kind of desolation

Where were you during the times I feel sad?
When I had a problem and needed a dad.
You didn't find me during the days I'm in lost.
You weren't there when I needed you the most.

Where were you during the times I’m very happy?
When I wanted to hug you and say: “I got an A, daddy!”
I always wanted a man to share my smiles with
But I’m all alone here in this huge labyrinth

Where were you when darkness filled my sight?
When I needed you to be my source of light.
I've been longing in your arms since I was a child,
I waited years for you to be with me in my side.


Until I got tired of waiting for you
Now I know, your promises aren't true
I learned to stand alone wearing only one shoe on my feet,
Yes I could walk, I could run, yet I feel so incomplete

Where were you during the nights I couldn't sleep?
And all I could do is to sulk and to weep.
It flashes through my mind, our old midnight memories
When I was a kid, you were reading me bedtime stories

Where were you during the times I feel in pain?
When I got sick after I played in the rain.
I’m not feeling well and wished for a father's care,
Yet I didn't see you. You were not there.

Where were you during the times I cry?
When everything's not fine and I wanted to die
All you did was to turn my hopes down,
When my only wish is to have you around

Where were you when I compose this poem tonight?
I bet you don’t have any idea that I could even write
I looked at the old photograph of us
It’s sad to know that this picture will be the last.

I've been asking and asking myself always,
Why didn't you return when there was still a space?
Now it's too late and no amount of embrace,
Can take away the sadness and tears on my face.

I am hollow and afraid
I wonder - do they see my pain?
I hear echoes of the rain
the downpour inside my brain
I see the drops falling down
I want to stop them, but
I am hollow and afraid

I pretend I am fine, but
I feel very far from fine
I run my fingers through my hair
I fear judgement, everywhere
I cry inside, but only there, for
I am hollow and afraid

I know they say "life is a wonder"
I say life is a four-letter-word
I dream of death, desolation, disaster
I just want it all to end, because
**I am so hollow, and so afraid

Feeding the birds in winter,
So they might come,
Friends through a window,
At home I have so much space
On empty walls, waiting
For photos, paintings
That now occupy floors,
Waiting for someone,
A golden ring from her,
But the telephone is mute
And boxes are kept and music,
A passion plays all by itself,
In stations set, programmed,
Processions of droll and cross,
Sweet undulations to bare,
Barely listened to.  

At home,
Blankets cover chairs,
In the cold that only I know,
How warm the walls seem,
Unadorned, yellow for sun
And red for mausoleum,
There's enough blue
In the sky.

Snow covers valley—
Solitary raven staining world,
Love has turned black.

The scent of frost
Tinged the air
The breeze circled, lost
Caught in winter's snare

Its bitter currents whispered
Through a miasma of frozen waves
Alert and alive, it whimpered
Over cold corpses, and wintry graves

A world encased in glacial hues
Swims in the sun's dying rays
A motley of fading blues
Entombed in the silence of space