You've made me reconsider everything I thought
And change all the conclusions that I've ever been brought
You made me stare in adoration from the way you talk
To the way you have confidence and swagger in your walk

And when you dance, I see eyes filled with passion and drive
And from the audience, it looks like you become more alive
I see happiness, as if it's really the only time
You can feel such emotion and I understand why

You seem to fascinate me and I seem to admire you
Cause I love to know things like your past and what inspires you
How you hold yourself, your humor type, and I desire you
And I can't tell you why cause usually I enjoy solitude

But I'm so drawn to you, I think of you all the time
I wanna be snuggled in your arms, your lips pressed against mine
Cause with everybody else I'll just say oh yeah I'm fine
But I actually can mean it when I'm with you and I won't lie

I feel endless smiles and countless butterflies
And I can't take the stare you give me from your ****** eyes
So I look down, and fidget & become sorta shy
When it's all realization I finally got a great guy

For months it's been strange cause I haven't just cried
Cause we're fighting over nonsense or cause somebody lied
Or your ignoring me, cheating, beating, not treating me right
Im not used to this but it's all been relieving and nice

I gaze at you and I wonder if sometimes you catch me
Cause I'd stare all day if I could and if you'd let me
My love for you is strong and becoming very heavy
I rarely get the chance to meet people who don't regret me

You're what makes me happy
And wake up in the morning
Go to school, see you
And I see now what is forming

I'm just so in love and I would never ever leave you
Cause I don't just want you anymore, I'm beginning to need you...

Denial of the obvious

I'm just sad today and when it stops raining then I can get a fresh look at this world and see a not so blurry outlook that melds all the colors into grey

Anger at your brain matter

Why wasn't I born into the world right side up, we joked about how difficult I was but is it really a joke when 18 years later I'm wailing out for the same breath of air that I was born needing

Bargaining with the disorders

I have symptoms of Anxiety Disorders but I could also be schizophrenic so maybe we can strike a golden medium of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder so at least then I can create an insane system of disorderly organization.

Depression

How often can you feel sad before you grow desolate and the drear wears away at the valleys on your face and pins you down into a final posture of the broken

Acceptance

I'll Let You know

I only want you if you're damaged
I haven't got the time to figure out where all of your faults are.
I want to see them clearly displayed all over
Your body.

Pure
Perfection

i dont know why, but my body is craving for a beating.
a proper *** kicking if you may say!
it happens to me time to time
when i lie on my bed ,sleepless(again!)

i imagine how i would go through it
how i would walk into a bar  take a bottle of whiskey and smash it !
on the head of the first guy ill see,
which will then start a bar fight (obviously) and i will be in the center of it all..

my fingers twitch as i write this.
my  guts twist and turn,
there is a rush in my veins i cant explain
i feel like a junki looking for his secret stash

i indulge in my wild fantasy again.
picturing myself smiling through a broken jaw,
imagining blood trickling down my cracked skull..
for some reason i feel alive..

i think i need therapy, or some help..
there is saliva in my mouth and i play around pretending its blood
i give an evil smirk, i am  almost freaking myself out
and enjoying it while i do it..

oh what i wouldn't give to be beaten to an inch of my life right now
broken, shattered, in pain , anything would do..
just a fight! thats all i ask.
anything..  break few ribs, tear few tendons, give me a scar, which well tell my stories,

i am not sure, why i am like this..
may be because ill get people to finally acknowledge my existence
i am sure when most of you read through this your thoughts were..
sick, crazy, insane, attention seeker, he doesn't even rhyme!

lets go back a bit and go through the things you missed out..
i havent slept properly in last 6 months..
i have tried to swallow my loneliness mixing it with bottles of whiskey..
for so long i have stood in the shadows that i  want you to beat me up just so i know you can see me...
i want you to tear me limb to limb , crack open my skull just so i know i can feel pain ,i can feel hurt, i can feel something...
i am not numb,i am not a shadow, i am not  dead!