I’m scared of writing,again
Because I’m scared of crying
Crying is my enemy
When I cry I’m a easy target
When I cry you can manipulate me with your words
You can make me rethink my who perception of life
I don’t want that
But when it does because it will
I will have to restart my mind
Forget about what you told me
Forget about the visions of images you put in my head
And make you a target for changing me

Writing is my outlet
Have you ever dug inside your own mind so deep
Have you ever written every detail of your life on paper till this exact moment
Have you ever fell in love with something and never stop doing
Until you were afraid too
Because I’m afraid
Im afraid that every word I write comes back to haunt me
Afraid that when I reread this I cry
Because crying makes me venerable
And venerability makes me write  

Writing is my best friend but sometimes your best friend can hurt you
I am afraid to write because what I write is my life and that’s why I cry

I've tried to take my life seven times before
And no one ever talked about it after it happened
We all went on without addressing it
I carried the weight of my attempts on my shoulders like it was a backpack filled with stones
It made me feel like no one cared
I will attempt a new one in a matter of time
No one seems to notice how bad I'm actually doing
No one cares enough to talk
I'm so painfully hurt and I'm alone in this fight
I'm done

when he used to talk down to me and make me feel invisible i would dig my nails so deep into my hands that I bled

I forgot I did this, I tried over and over to repress that

I thought about doing it again today

It's been 9 years.

My jaw aches after I cry.

I thought it was a genetic thing.
But my mom made me realize I’m actually clenching it.

It’s weird how you hurt yourself without even noticing.

I’m trying to express how I feel like I did as a child,
Through crayons and pencils
Pressed into paper until they break in two.
How can I feel so hopeless
Doing something I used to love to do?
Like I did as a child
I make myself small and cry in my closet
That painful sobbing that hurts your throat
And convince myself yet again to give up.

I try not to cry but sometimes my vision is clouded with tears as they start chasing each other down my face.
They fall to my chest playing in a pool of emotions.
I cant contain them anymore.

I think you'll be gone in a matter of time
Not entirely disappearing, part of you will still remain
You'll travel to another country and meet new people
To soon forget about who I am
And I keep telling you 'I love you'
Maybe you can find your destination in my words
I don't think you will
But I keep hoping that one day you'll say 'I love you' before I do
Before I make you to
You are the first male I really trust
The first one I truly love
And my heart will break when you go away
It will shatter and collapse and create a tiny pile of broken pieces
That'll be me for the next few years
I will not tell you this
I refuse to tell you this
Because I, I love you

As the midnight snows
my desire to be
another's grows
to be as beautiful
as a rose
seems to be my new pose
I'll sit here waiting
for my love, at last, to show
that true love is not just something that I suppose