My thoughts race
So does the heart,
Happens so often
It feels default.

My fingers fail me,
I cannot type.
My hand shivers,
Can’t hold the pen right.

I feel ants crawling
At the back of my head.
I know there are none
But can’t help be afraid.

I try taking a deep breath,
Always end up in a cough.
Paranoia is ingrained,
It can’t get enough.

I want to stitch your hands onto mine
You're the glazing moon
in a village of only dead grass.


I choke when I can't see you
Your glance is heaven to me.


As I claw my love into your mouth
I realize

that your love
is out of my
grasp.

I will put in a box
How our eyes locked when we first met
When we finally kissed in the light of the dark party
And when I found out- this was getting heart-to-hearty


I will put in a box
The way you'd gaze at me biting your lower lip
Tension when you pulled me closer
With both your hands on my hip


I will put in a box
Every time we hugged goodbye
How you adapted to my liking
The breath-taking look in your eye


I will put in a box
Our late night walk
How you'd pleasure me anywhere
The way our lips would perfectly lock


I will put in a box
The texts that made me smile
Your shield of protection
Even if that means I won't be happy for a while


I will put in a box
Every **** remainder of you
I will put in a box
All the tears, all the blue


Every cry, ever scream
The pain of not belonging
Hoping that one day
I'll wake up, and no longer be longing.

Emotions make you weak,
That’s all everyone has ever taught me.
I’m like a broken clock,
Standing in one place for what seems like forever,
Deep inside I still crave love and affection,
Although cruelty is all I’ve ever known.
Some days are bright,
And some are colored in darkest shades of night.
Emptiness is echoing through me,
The mirror is my worst enemy,
Reality in it I can clearly see.

Everyday I tell her
Not to remember your dimples.
Everyday I tell her
Not to find those crinkles,
Your eyes created
While the smile wrapped itself,
Intimately around your lips
And the first nail of my coffin was hit!

Your heart is stuck in someone else,
And mine I have left in your closet.
After all the time that has passed
I am still staring,
At the empty mug to hold just a drop,
A drop to satisfy this craving
Or maybe just to forget this thirst.
Thirst,quenched not even by the elixir,
Elixir that saved the life
But could not fill the emptiness in it
Could not give it a meaning to be lived.

All I need is  a bit of you,
But sigh! I can have that never.
Yet I love you
Just the way you love her
Someone said it right-
One sided love holds an alien kind of peace,
Peace in the pleasure offered by pain,
Pain that I, so passionately chase.

I'm craving something I no longer have
Craving something I miss deeply
Constantly running towards a temporary fix,
Knowing it won't last
I miss the warmth & security of  someone's arms
Feeling at bliss, my heart rest
Now, here I am restless
Always searching for something
I know it won't come soon enough.