Suicide isn't something to take lightly
Cultivates my train of thought daily and nightly
More than most people can understand
I'm a little too much i suppose
But i'd rather be too much but not enough
I have a big heart and i think it's getting bigger
It might conquer my entire body
If so, so be it.
I want to emulate the past heroes who have saved lives
They're my spirit animals
Who happen to be people
Breathing flesh now receded into paradise.
Don't quicken the process of fleeting away by making a rash decision for one bad day or event that pushed you  little harder than you expected.
There's so much to build upon
Make sure you're the one still building upon it.

Hear the sound of
the sprinklers throwing
water on the fresh green grass.
Hear the sound of the birds
chirping in the trees,
praising the Sun
and it's bright shine.
Hear the sound of my
voice and listen, closely,
feeling my words
almost as vividly as
your own heartbeat.
Take it in, consume it carefully.
Let go of your mind and
experience this, fully.

Allow me to paint
these pictures in your mind,
and frame them with
your memory.
Allow me to see into your soul
and conquer you
until you lose yourself in me.
Give me intimacy.
Drop down your evening
gown and show me what
lies beneath;
your naked soul
has no control.
I'll be the catalyst
to curing your grief.

Do not weep for me,
For I no longer weep
In anticipation of you.

Long gone are the days that
I stooped to conquer, or
Be conquered by you.

I would come.
We would see.
You would conquer.

So do not weep for me,
As I won't weep for you.
You've never weeped for me,
So I will stop so for you.

I have seen the blood of my loved ones, spilled on a dusty road;
Seen the fall of kings, powerful warriors and the bold;
The skin of mothers and little children, broken by cold;
The ancient landmarks of the fatherless, siezed and sold.

I have heard the cry of the homeless but no one there to save;
Heard the wailing of the deserted, seen the tears of the brave;
Many driven from their homelands, now hiding in caves;
And a father toiling night and day, treated as a slave.

I have heard of dreams of many, still unrealised;
The ****** daughters of priests, lured or defiled;
The goals of youths, swallowed up by pride;
And the future of generations, poorly discerned.

I have read government policies, unfavourable for the common man;
Heard of national resources, expended without concrete plans
Communities connive to eliminate a defenseless clan;
And a nation sold into modern slavery, by reckless polititians.

Many tears have droped, sweat and blood everywhere;
Many races have been run but the end seems nowhere near;
Many have waited hopelessly for a better year;
Many have stood up but crawled back for sake of fear.

A day will come when the oppressed will arise;
Like Martin Luther King Jr. did,though his blood was a price;
Like Nelson Mandela did, even though his act was termed a vice-
For the freedom of the enslaved and oppressed but the wicked's sudden demise.

When it comes it's like the wind, sometimes slow and calm
Other times with violent force giving no warning

My anger radiates like that inside out of my physical and mental self

You think, you the receiver of my non discriminating anger bares you the cross... the sting of agony ...

But I wear the suffering torment of my own unwelcomed affliction

I am enraged like the heat of red the founder of chilled hearts
My mind bends and bends with pain and misery that reaches the depth of me...

That part of me, even I can't see

I feel the wrath like ****** for fun
Like the monsters that breath only to see blood

I conquer this vacant passion, which I have not the strength to duel

Beelzebub sits satified, nodding and smirking as my thoughts and words curse

He's content with my blood that boils as he commands

He waits for the person who will release what his soulless soul demands

There's moments I feel my every vain full of fire, begging me to surrender and give in to Lucifer's desire

But.....

My HEART...

It still beats and the only part of me untouched by darkness, provides me the vision of what makes me human

It grants you....
Me...
Mercy

It allows me a breath

As I become some what the me that I recognize...

I am torn

What was that rush

How did I realize me

I'll sink deep into my bed

Inside my dark dark room and like a vampire I keep hidden...
Not from the light, but from you, so the furies won't be tempted to use me like the instrument which beckons your cry at my whip

I shall be me alone stable...

Alone

Harmless...

Alone

Protector of you...

Protector of me...

Alone

Away from the feelings that suffocate my heart and blind my mind

Away so I am me, sweet and loving, endlessly giving

Alone...

So I am not ALONE...

2010- the year society decided I was able
2011- the year I went far away from home
2012- the year I became an experimentalist, more.
2013- the year nothing made sense
2014- the year everything did.
2015- the year I found love.
International
Abundant
profound.
-My favorite year of all.

Drifting through the moments,
always consumed within,
these moving wheels,
as my thoughts wander.

Escaping this dull reality,
I explore the boundaries,
of my imagination,
entering to conquer.

Lost in a single step,
I continue onward,
venturing into the depths,
of this familiar unknown.

Discovering myself;
though a small part,
considered to be,
one more steppingstone.