Nothing would make me happier
than if I were purely selfless,
but then I'd be happiest
and I'd have only served myself.

You watch white people become millionaires
By spinning a wheel and guessing words
Is that entertaining for you?
Because you don't forget who you are
No matter how many of these people you see
You don't forget who you are
But I do
I forget who I am
In fact, I forget so well
that it's as if I never even knew in the first place
It's like being strapped
into a self-driving car
and you have no idea where it's taking you
Like my life is a wheel of fortune
and misfortune
Spinning around the blue

Void of emotion,
fake smiles ever so slowly become my nature.
Bones to pick, pick and pick away
leaving my wall nothing more than a pile of rubble.
tick
Conflicting thoughts
flicker and flutter searching for a way out.
Anger , hurt and melancholy
merge in the pit of my stomach and out comes anxiety.
tick
Laughter?
Who’s that?
Happiness?
A headstone to mark its existence.
tick
Enduringly awaiting
  the ...
   final ...
                  tick.

Who is that man really?
He is this person now, that person later
Personality changing, when company changes.
Does he know his own true face?
Truly he is a ghost to those around him
A ghost to those who want him
Truly a ghost in his own mind.

Im so busy seeing your side that i forgot where mine is!

I'm learning how limited forever is in the space between two hearts.

You, I feel my heart swell when I hear your name. You're like my one night stand with happiness. You make me forget how completely cold it is. You remind me what beauty is and what hope feels like, soft and tangible, floating through the air like ribbon. You show me what it means to be alive, survive, swallow difficulty whole. I can feel your palms against my soul.

You, the illegitimate child of sadness and cigarette ashes, the tasteless poison that falls beneath my teeth. I can feel my heart sinking into the soft soil of you, planting itself in the wasteland where the bones of tiny things rest uneasy.  

Please, just let me sleep in peace for once.

Late night thinking imposed on my mind
confused left bare, completely undefined.
Deep terrors of the mind latching on to me,
fiery feet, fighting to be free, but I'm blind
as I try to see.
The devils persona posses my soul,
I paint my plan as I try to gain control.
A peaceful pilgrimage through hell itself,
the layed out path cursed with false wealth.
Condemned to walk alone down the path
of madness, In hope at the end I can leave
this sadness.