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Just like my life my heart is an atrocious mess
Trying to do right but the only way I seem to go is left
When I try to cry no tears seem to form on my bottom lid

I think of you and my chest feels shot with a volting stun
Sounds stupid but this time I think Cupid said uc the arrow and blasted a gun
When I wanted to help you I lost my mind when my demons wouldn’t let me give you some

I didn’t want to go back to what I knew would end
But my hearts too real and everybody knows we had a past back then
Told myself I’d be there for the moment even tho when it was over I’d want to bury my face in pills & soft dust again

I wouldn’t say my heart is broken cause that already happened a long time ago
But it’s so conflicted and it’s like instead of fixing it I just step on and crunch the broken pieces and **** brain cells so memories drain from my dome
I wouldn’t say you have to forget to fix things but that’s all I wanna do when I get to missing you cause of my heart , just cutting too close

As I write this first poem I think of how you motivate me to do things I always wanted to do but simply just never did it
Like this meditation of words explaining the conflicts in my heart, like a peaceful flashback you give me a warming vision
I still hope to go to sleep at 4 am having a mirculous dream with only me and you in it..

-AP
Carter Ginter Jan 2018
I finally took the sweatshirt out of my car
It smells like you
Hotel linen suffocating my senses
And for a moment I'm lost
Even though we're not great together
You still run through my mind too often
The quiet nights in your dorm room
Walking along the beach together
Me making jokes in the haunted house to calm your anxiety
Talking to goats at the pumpkin farm
Even getting hyped while playing video games
You are everywhere
And I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you
It's so conflicting because
I know we were unhappy at the end
But maybe it could've worked out
If I tried a little harder
Instead of just giving up
But I didn't know where it would go
And it wasn't healthy anymore
You wanted forever and I wasn't sure I could give you that
I'm trying so hard to live in the moment these days
Which is hard when I can't stop thinking about you
But I hope you're doing ok
Black surges, forges piling emotion,
Foraging, attaining such predicted erosion.
Color the rubies to a diluted amber,
Brittle, dripped gems are toxic, I clamber
To the lamp as to see my implicit devotion.

Vitals ascend, and I can't perceive
This motionless forfeit I often receive.
Aid is essential, it holds potential,
To cure this conflicted, addicted vessel.
My heart on my sleeve, I'm undeceived.

I implore to explore, as breath, I leave,
So close to dying, I'm on the eve
Of darker clothing, and flowers to family,
Hallucinate my abnormalities.
Yet somehow, I am still on my feet-
All feedback is welcome and appreciated.
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