I am filled with emotions I cannot bare

Mary is there to make sure I ate
She helps me relax and rids me of self-hate

To help me calm down everyday, she sings me her song
A wonderful tune I hear through the bubbling of my ****
I feel her warmth on my chest
She truly does help me rest

Mary is like no other
Her voice and touch cannot compare
Though she says I’m no bother,
I fear I depend too much on her care

Mary is always willing to provide
Even when I take more from her than I should,
She always gives me her warmth and a place to reside

Since I can remember,
Mary has been by my side
No matter the extent to which I’ve been upset,
She’s always been a helping hand in making me forget

I can no longer hide within her convincing high
I’m starting to think we won’t always see eye to eye
Mary is my best friend
I’d hate to say goodbye

But I’ll always wonder if this relationship should end and finally die

I know I’m just your little sis
What do I actually know
But lemme try and just tell you this

I know I’m not in your world exactly
Don’t know the difficult place you’re in
But I know the pain sadly

I’m your sister at the end of the day
You and I are the most alike
We got similar struggles in a way

I know how to read people just like you
Hear what they really think about me
I got that same curse too

Disappointed of the journey we create
Why can’t we be the golden child
But failure must be our fate

I see when you want to be left alone
I see when you’re in a dark cloud
The heavy weight on your backbone

I know how it feels to be lost
Inside your head and heart
Wondering what it’s gonna cost

I also got an addictive personality
Anything to relieve the pain
Anything to escape my reality

I really don’t think struggling is bad
You and I are ahead the game
Even though we didn’t ask to be mad

I pushed off opening up for years
Refused to acknowledge my pain
Scared as hell to face my fears

I know it seems everyone is watching
With a cynical and judgmental eye
Waiting for the chance to start preaching

But sometimes as I see the judgment
Reflected in their eyes
I realize maybe I need adjustment

Maybe I am so harsh on myself
The quickest to assume their mad
Assuming the hatred is from himself

Sometimes from deep within me I see
I hate what I’m doing to everyone
Maybe I refuse to except me

We are all just left to wander alone
A strange unwanted path
A journey we apparently chose

Please don’t think you’re a bad guy
You’re stronger then most
You’re my hero I won’t deny

So yeah I know I’m just your little sis
Love,
…

I watch Rich Teas float like ash
The Gusto goes unprepared
My days pass like smoke
And each tear burns

I sit with he who remains
I still with the God of years
and even with tears
I drink with him

I'm drowning in an ocean of you,
and only you.

There is no concept of time anymore.
A minute feels like hours,
but a year is just a moment.

I am sinking.
Whether fast and diving to the bottom,
or slow and drifting softly into the depths.

Sometimes the tide is harsh,
and throws me around.
Other times the sea rocks me softly
into an endless sleep.

At first I thrashed,
gasping for air but being empty of it.
I screamed and begged,
for I did not want to become the water.

Over time I accepted the calm blue warmth,
I embraced it.
I grew gills to adapt to the lack of oxygen,
and fins to swim through every thought of you.

I no longer am drowning;
I am choosing to stay.
I am navigating the crystal waters,
as if I've lived in them my whole life.

So if I am drowning:
I will tie large stones to my feet,
and embrace the darkness that is to come.

I see in your eyes,
Two shallow pools of white with coffee mixed in,
I tremble before them,
You judge me too hard.
I hear it in your words,
The desperation reeks,
Its care you say,
I don’t feel it anyway.
I see the way you are,
Insincere and shapeshifting,
You’ll love conditionally
‘Don’t worry’ you reach your hand out
Each time we touch I die a little more
Its scary out there,
Look in the mirror to feel safe
My mind puts up a fight
So I need you all again
The pity holds me well
Well enough to try again