It's using the post / instead of sending an email / or loving to sleep / instead of loving a female

Don't mistake it for lazy / I want to be active / it's harder in life than / it seems to be in practice

It takes your energy / and it uses it as shots / to shoot your motivation / believe me it's hard

It's waking up early / to go back to sleep / so you can work up the nerve / to get up onto your feet

Imagine you slept for / an hour every day of / the week all you'd want / to be doing is sleep

You'd be emotionally / unstable and very / unsociable / with stress feeling uncontrolable

You're number one struggle/ would be the simplest of tasks/ what you do in a day / would be cut right in half

You want to be able  / to do that witch you should / at work or at school / or where ever you stood

But all you could think about / would be ending the pain / wishing someone understood / what flowed through your veins

You can't control your lack of love / or low energy / all you want is nothing to do / for all of today

When just waking up is giving / your very best n' / nobody understands / that's clinical depression

He is safe. He is happiness. He is everything.
He takes away the anxiety. He takes away the hurt. He takes away the pain.
He makes you love yourself. He makes you feel like you aren’t alone.
He keeps away the nightmares.
He holds you. He tells you all the things you need to hear. He pushes you to be a better person.

Without him you are afraid. Without him you are unbearably sad. Without him you are nothing.
Without him you are anxious and bed ridden. Without him you are ridden with depression. Without him you are in constant psychological pain.
Without him you hate yourself. Without him you are alone and always will be.
Without him you have nightmares and sleep paralysis that never seem to end.
Without him you are cold. Without him you are no longer pretty- you are no longer anyone’s favourite person; you are no longer loved. Without him you’re an awful person and no one wants to be around you.

He is security. He is life. He is air.
He makes you do things you never thought you could.
You aren’t afraid to be with him. He makes the voices go away. He makes the paranoid feelings less intense.
You can touch him without feeling like you’re having a heart attack. You can kiss him without feeling like you’re going to faint. You can lay with him and not feel like something bad is going to happen.

Without him you are lost. Without him you want to die- there’s nothing keeping you here but him. Without him you can’t breathe; you feel like you’re drowning- suffocating, always.
You’ve always been afraid of anyone with romantic feelings towards you. You’re always afraid of people touching you or kissing you or anything that relates to intimacy- but you’ve never felt that with him. There have never been heart palpitations. There have never been anxiety ridden shakes and hot flashes. You’ve never felt faint around him. You crave his kisses- you want him to hold you.
Without him you’re afraid of everyone and everything. You never leave the house. You never go see friends. You’re too scared to live your life- you’re too afraid to die. You barely exist.

*But worst of all- without him, you’re left alone to have to deal with me.
Without him, us voices come back to taunt you and we’ll never go away.

you are full of tears
but that does not make you sad
you can get emotional but you are so much more than a shipwreck
maybe you get upset sometimes but that does not reduce you to a puddle of saltwater

you am so much more than sad.
you are strong, you are intelligent,
you are sweet, you are wonderful.
maybe you are sad but you are also inspiring and beautiful and valuable and unique

do not ever let yourself be defined by an illness. do not let a boy leave you because you are "sad", because you are so much more than a tear on your cheek, you are so much more than ugly crying, you are so much more than smeared makeup and sad is a feeling, not a state of being, not a personality trait.

do not ever let yourself be reduced to just "sad"
and tell that boy to go **** himself because you are so much more than sad

The cacophony of noise is infuriating
Grinding teeth
like bars of steel clashing
Severing my senses
Burning embers, churning coals
My lungs filled
with Steam and Ashes
Searing consciousness
My arms flailed
Writhing uncontrollably in vain
But you fueled these clogs
Suddenly, I'm tamed
I hope you remember
How we toiled our hearts that November
How we would never let it slip
And how many castles we built
then demolished them quick
Crushing bricks
But we are born liars
And it's impossible to alleviate
Unending chain of regrets
As I run backwards in denial
I try to forget
That I am actually dead



-Clinical Death, Margaret Austin Go