He is safe. He is happiness. He is everything. He takes away the anxiety. He takes away the hurt. He takes away the pain. He makes you love yourself. He makes you feel like you aren’t alone. He keeps away the nightmares. He holds you. He tells you all the things you need to hear. He pushes you to be a better person.
Without him you are afraid. Without him you are unbearably sad. Without him you are nothing. Without him you are anxious and bed ridden. Without him you are ridden with depression. Without him you are in constant psychological pain. Without him you hate yourself. Without him you are alone and always will be. Without him you have nightmares and sleep paralysis that never seem to end. Without him you are cold. Without him you are no longer pretty- you are no longer anyone’s favourite person; you are no longer loved. Without him you’re an awful person and no one wants to be around you.
He is security. He is life. He is air. He makes you do things you never thought you could. You aren’t afraid to be with him. He makes the voices go away. He makes the paranoid feelings less intense. You can touch him without feeling like you’re having a heart attack. You can kiss him without feeling like you’re going to faint. You can lay with him and not feel like something bad is going to happen.
Without him you are lost. Without him you want to die- there’s nothing keeping you here but him. Without him you can’t breathe; you feel like you’re drowning- suffocating, always. You’ve always been afraid of anyone with romantic feelings towards you. You’re always afraid of people touching you or kissing you or anything that relates to intimacy- but you’ve never felt that with him. There have never been heart palpitations. There have never been anxiety ridden shakes and hot flashes. You’ve never felt faint around him. You crave his kisses- you want him to hold you. Without him you’re afraid of everyone and everything. You never leave the house. You never go see friends. You’re too scared to live your life- you’re too afraid to die. You barely exist.
*But worst of all- without him, you’re left alone to have to deal with me. Without him, us voices come back to taunt you and we’ll never go away.
|| " a paranoid schizophrenic who suffers with codependency issues, anxiety and borderline personality disorder"