I'm choking on words
I'll never say
Written in pen
They smear and fade
But when the sun
Rises at dawn
Maybe then
You'll hear my song

When it's all inside you in a cage
all that fills up is rage
I read ,write and turn the page
now you're a thousand miles away
I think about you everyday
I'll never be okay..
Every journey has a beginning
Every story has a start
Every memory has a special place in our heart
it's been so many years
I tried to control my fears
for every moment my heart skipped a beat
for every time I couldnt stand on my feet
The feeling is overwhelming I can barely breathe
its like everytime I see you I simply freeze
Or at least that's how it shows..
what you don't know is that
every time I see you I literally glow
Everything inside me is like a rainbow..
With no words to say I just walk away,
I guess today isn't the day
But the day never came and I just kept walking  
Now I'm a million miles away and it feels like Choking.

Not for me another love
like choking fear
It will not budge
I dare not blink
for it now seems
by choosing drink
I dwell in dreams

I grind to bits
my words and teeth
when searching through
my history:
to lift above
what lay beneath
all that broken masonry.

...
words and foto Tommy  Carroll

Darkness, Darkness,
Everywhere.
Do I feel alone?
The thought of you in my mind,
Forget the hands around my throat,
Choking me,
Silently,
Without a sound.
I am shutting down..
From the lack of oxygen.
My vision blurs,
My hearing goes out,
My feeling starts to numb,
My lungs collapse,
And I stop breathing.
Shadows surround me.
Darkness, Darkness,
Everywhere.
Do I feel alone?
I am suffocating,
Hands around my throat,
Choking me,
The thought of you still in my mind,
Pain fades,
I wandered blindly,
I stumbled and fell,
Then I realized,
That I didn’t catch myself.
That the hands,
Around my throat,
Choking me,
Suffocating me,
Killing me,
Were my own.
Darkness, Darkness,
Everywhere.
I feel alone.
Hands around my throat,
So I let go,
Forgetting you for just a moment,
And Finally,
         I Began To
           Breathe..

I have starry lights on my breath and
I don't know what to do
because I'm
choking.

Why did I start writing,
feeling
like this?
In an attempt to fill the spaces
in my narrative?
They gape open like
self-forced split wounds.
And yet are empty, so
empty
and bloodless.
Just numb.

Every **** self-help book
tells me it's my choice
how I feel.
I've been thinking and thinking and
I disagree.
It was never my decision to
paint my rib-cage blue,
to dull out and flatten, like a piece of
wood, my eyes into a lifeless faded varnish
that others mistake for spark or
mystery.
Or to stuff my head with
cotton wool that won't stop
pressing,
pressing.

I've just realized this is a not-good poem.
Forgive me, I'm
choking.

I do not know how to feel,
I do not know how to function,
But at least I no-longer dream,
Of serious self-destruction.

I dream of living anxiety-free,
I dream of compassion, of care,
I dream of being able to breathe,
Without choking on fresh air.

Inside of your mind and body
A numbing occurs
You feel shallow

So shallow

Like a lowering tide
As if the oceans will dry up
Forcing you and the fish to choke on air

But at least you'll have something in common

                                        Alysia Marie 2014 ©

My weakness lies within my heart,
it’s naive and craves romanticism.
And it’s willing to do anything
for even the slightest amount of affection.
When I give,
I will give until I am but a fragment of myself.
When I love,
I will love without thinking what I’ll get in return.
And so when I fell so deeply in love with you,
and you told me you didn’t feel the same,
it broke my heart.
My walls came crashing down around me,
and I found myself choking on the remnants of our broken love.
All I could was “Why?”,
but you left me with not so much as an answer.
My chest cavity grew weak,
and my heart sank into my stomach,
which should be filled with butterflies.
But instead there I lie -
cold and broken.
I’m desperate to be saved,
to have life breathed into me,
but the only one for me is you -
so say you love me too.

Today I watched your
lungs turn inside out against themselves,
the air unsure of where to go so it just
hovered
in that middle space between coughs,
when you thought you'd caught your breath but
your voice hitched when you tried to talk and
you started choking again,

I saw
that today, your
eyes watering as you struggled to
remind your body how to sustain itself,
you cussed between fits and asked,
"isn't this supposed to happen on its own,"
you wheezed,
"shouldn't something so
instinctual
be easier than this?"

You didn't sound like you wanted an answer so I
kept my mouth shut,
brought you a glass of water.