Gray hairs sprouting up like testimonies
The smoke from burning bridges makes it hard to see
If I can walk back across to the other side
Just to tell you I always cared, affectionately

Leaves never fall the same way twice
To see them drop again, a kaleidoscope in descent
Pieces that come together to make a new puzzle
Under the tree, between the jigsaw creases are we both in?

i spend a lot of money on flowers.

give me a minute to explain myself here:

every saturday morning i wake up early.
hours before work.
and most times, minutes before the sun rises.  
i’ll shower,
put a very small amount of effort into my appearance,
(because it is morning).
(because who really cares anyway).
and i’ll drive myself to the markets
that wait approximately four songs away from my house.

i won't be there for long.
(i am never there for long).

i’ll pick up some treats
for my dog (who was not thrilled with the early morning wake up)
as an apology for the interruption to her sleep.
and then i’ll carry myself to the buckets of flowers.

i’ll stand there and decide, for a few delicate moments.

i’ll ask him for ranunculus.
i’ll tell him that
i like the way they open,
and how delicate they are,
and how a single touch can have them falling apart.

he’ll agree
tell me that ‘softness is beautiful’
(this petal he gives for free)
and i’ll store that in my pocket until i need it.

i’ll think about how
i can not control much.
but i can control the flowers my vases hold.

so what i am trying to say is
i’d spend any amount of money to be able to hold something.
to be able to say,
“i chose this.”
instead of letting something be chosen for me.

i witnessed it traverse across and rip the sky open
in one big swoop

like my zipper when i
**** on the curb

careless

maybe if i cared less
it wouldn’t have affected me

this meteorite of reality

crushing all i have

i am nothing
for i am to them only
what i provide and prove
nothing more

give
give
give

silently stars cry
as we all enjoy and benefit
from the glimmer and light dance
as we all look away
while they dwarf into voids

there is a man
somewhere
in some corner of some bookstore
or bar or apartment building
filling his lungs and soul
with tar
while he wishes it was
the world
which he could watch
burn

instead of himself

and as he’s practically forced to pick a side
and pick another pick me girl
another job application
a college major
a plethora of healthy habits
yet still amongst so many
and so many choices
he sits alone

what brings despair is cheered upon
what he accomplishes is
stomped
like a bug
burned to dust
at mach speeds

the same curb he ****** on

graffiti on the wall behind it

it says
“live
love
laugh”

he
definitely
laughs

has he brought this
ying and yang of life
upon himself?

why does it all seem just bad
sometimes?

why is the joy and genuineness of people
so fleeting?

why is it ninety nine percent
utter *******
and the rest just
dark matter?

only sometimes
fluctuating into a
big bang
of the real
version of us

he tries to live
he tries to love

is there really a
*******
difference?

doesn’t one just **** you
quicker than the other?

or at least feels like it?

i’d rather laugh

i’ll just face the mirror
face them all
face all of it

and just
*******

laugh

it’s all
comedy
anyways

just let
me
****
and
laugh
in

peace
and

in
  pieces

now that
is what
i call
a genuine
choice

and i call it one
as i call my own
horrible hypocrisy

it’s the only

*******

  choice

left

Given the choice...
There is no choice.
No alternative
To poll your voice.
Be surgical.
Be precise.
This isn't the time
For being nice.
Fight against what you know's not right.
This is the quarrel for our childrens' lives.