I never could have guessed it,
that addiction would swollow me.
This rabbit hole I've fallen down,
is so **** dark now I can't see.
I want help.
Well at least I think I do.
Though the fact its a question,
makes me sick.
It should never be a question,
addiction made them take my kids.


Yet still I sit alone,
getting high
all by myself.
Looking at my future,
now placed high upon a shelf.  
I can no longer reach it,
it's getting higher up the wall.
Or maybe it isn't the shelf that moved,
perhaps its
I
that
began
to
fall?

This addiction keeps pulling me down,
I sink deeper every minute.
I wish I knew how to climb back out,

I wish I wasn't lost in it.

I wish I'd never started down,
the path that lead me here.
But who is it I would be now,
without the past 6 years?
Id be a different person.
Clean?
maybe or maybe not.
But the past 6 years have changed me,
I for sure have learned alot.
Like how much pain and heartbreak,
my body and mind can take.
Before I reach my breaking point,
an search for the escape.

I told him
i loved the stars,
because they are so far away and it takes their light so immensely long to reach our eyes,
that its impossible to know if the star we are seeing at this exact moment, is even still a star.  

We are looking into the past in real time when we stargaze.
I told him
i loved not knowing
if the stars i see, long ago burned and sputtered out.
Because it made me feel things.  

I didnt tell him,
that if a star,
possibly millions of years ago died,
and i can still marvel at its light.
Then maybe after im long gone,
after my final chaper ends and my book is over,

maybe theres a chance that others will still be able to read it.

You know I think the reason we lasted so long,
was because with heartbreak after heartbreak......  

I never ran out of things,
to write
about.

So your a fallen Angel now,
but you're flying high.
Eternally untouchable somewhere in the sky.

You were much to young,
taken much to soon.
Im sorry I wasnt there,
I wish we could have saved you.

But it's to late now
and thats just a fact.
I promise we miss you
and all wish for you back.

If there is a heaven up there in the clouds,
then I know you made it in there
and you're smiling down.  
So be at peace my girl,
this is not the end.
Ill catch you on the flip side,
so for now,

Rest well my fallen friend.

I broke her heart.

What else is there to say, except,


"I'm Sorry."  
                                      or

             "PLEASE forgive me."
      

                                             "Please know this isnt your fault."

                  



                    "Mommy loves you."




                                                              Hope that trust again will come with time.
    

                                    And

realize that when Mommy says "I'll see you next week"

                                                     Finally,

she really does.

This empty seat is for the addicts,
who never made it home.
The ones who lost their battle,
on a long lonley road.
Gone but not forgotten,
we keep them in our hearts.
We remember them in silence,
and the knowledge absence imparts.
They sadly could not win the war,
the one that raged inside.
IVE BEEN THEM
so I know one thing,
   I know they really tried.  
So please dont judge the addicts,
you do not know their fight.
Just pray for peace to their souls,
lost silently every night.