I'm making a promise to myself, that this year will be different.
No longer will I prioritize those who do not care about my mental health. This year I will learn to put myself first, because self care is NOT selfishness, it's necessary.
And I deserve it.
I will love myself MORE than I fear abandonment, and I will NOT shrink myself to fit inside anyone's expectations of who I'm supposed to be.
I make a promise this year to be loud and bold and unapologetically myself. A promise that I will speak my truth, even if some might find it uncomfortable or hard to hear.
I will own every choice I make, and I will never again be controlled or manipulated into forgetting the boundaries I've set.
I promise that this year I will finally implement all the lessons that life has been teaching me.
2024 is gone
But this is not a "New year, new me" post.
Rather this is a
"New year BETTER ME, HEALED ME, HAPPY THRIVING HEALTHY ME" post.
This year I will stop questioning my worth, because I recognize I was searching for it in all the wrong places, mainly in other people.
I will never again forget my worth, because now I remember where it lies. Not outside, but within myself. I am a complete person, and never again will I stay in relationships that harm my mental emotional and spiritual self, just to avoid the loneliness.
I will stop accepting half *** people who only offer breadcrumbs. I promise to be content in myself and who I am. I make this promise to myself that I will remain happily unattached romantically, until someone comes along that does not expect me to complete them, or fix them or baby them, because they too know they are a full, complete person, all on their own.
I will not enter into any relationship unless it is because, as two whole people, we want to share eachothers fully established worlds. Not to complete or fix
eachother but to simply enjoy eachother.
I promise to never forget the hurt, the pain, the loss, and all the lessons from the past few years. But I also swear to myself not to live in those memories any longer. I have allowed my past to spoil
FAR TOO MUCH
of my present already, and I refuse to allow it to take anymore.
I finally learned what life has been trying to teach me. I finally understand why no matter how much of myself I gave away, in hopes it would bring me the love I was desperately searching for, it would have NEVER been enough.
I was giving myself to the all the wrong people, for all the wrong reasons.
I promise to forgive myself for that aswell.
I promise to not allow any unhealed people to hold my heart, because I've learned my lesson about that one. Never again will my heart be trusted to anyone who is not intouch with their own.
And although that means I am going to lose people I had thought were going to be with me forever, I will not let that break me. I will remember the good times with the people that forced me to lose them, but I will also keep the lessons from all the bad times.
I will pick MYSELF up this time, and dust off my past MYSELF.
This is going to be more than just a new chapter in the same old dusty book of me, this is the second volume. Its my part two, where the truth is revealed, that the HERO
I've been waiting and searching for this entire time, was me, all along.
THIS is my PROMISE to myself, and always remember, I DONT BREAK MY PROMISES.
Lots of lessons in the past few years, if you have been following me or if you have read some of my previous works, you'll have a bit of an understanding of the toxic relationship I was in. How I was codependent as one could possibly get, and how the end of that relationship nearly killed me, or had me do it myself really. You'll know how even after he left me for someone else, he still tried to use me and keep me gor his convenience, and you'll know how that worked for him for awhile anyways. I have been so weak in the past I took the breadcrumbs and felt blessed to get them. But this poem is my resolution to never again accept the things I did before. To stand up for myself for once. And start acting as if I was someone who I actually cared about. Thanks for taking the time to read my stuff. It means the world to me that people all over the world have read my inner most thoughts, and some even liked them. 😅