When darkness comes with grip so tight
and breath somewhere afar
time stands so still
a moment… to struggle… and yet
I breathe

When hollow feelings clench so firm
and each exhale longs wondering
If inhale will follow
and time stands as still as death itself
I breathe

When thoughts of failure and loss
replace the very thought of breathing
and every negative voice impales
My heart… that nearly stops
Still I breathe
so shallow… yet I breathe

and my sorrows await another night
to feed

I just wanted you to know
I never had any desire
to take care of another living thing
until you laid your head in my lap.

I never got the chance to tell you
I believed heaven to be the sound
of your breathing as you fell asleep,
so I told him instead.

It wasn't quite the same,
but I guess it was close enough.

she has learned to breathe,
and learned to survive ,
but her good days
are yet to arrive.

And with the touch of her hand, the wall became a bridge

Every step
An echo
Every breath
Wasn’t sure if it was the last

Walking through
Misery and pain
I catch the tears
Of a fallen night rain

It has been long since
The sky has smiled upon
This barren land
Which I once called home

Trapped
This broken heart
Has forgotten hope
In a falling star

Trees die
Flowers dry
Climates change
So will I

Animals extinct
Some lands sink
Worlds change
So will I

Feelings fade
Minds easily sway
People change
So will I

In order to heal from death
my child,
you must mourn,
and to do so properly,
in order to deal with the pain,
you must plunge a knife,
relieving the deepest ache of loss,
death is not in vain,

Cutting the **** deeper into your chest,

As I'm still breathing,
wise one,
I say alright,

Looking down at my lungs,
taking in some necessary air,
letting go of all my useless despair,

I'm amazed to still be alive,
& hoping to just simply survive,
with such life threatening wounds,

I take one last deep breath,

I remove the beating heart,
look at it pulsing in my palm,
dripping in cardinal red blood,
staining my skin,

I pull away a hand,
& I examine the sticky fingertips,
smear it on my face,
it's my war paint
mixed in with white clay,
right along with your ashes,

I am prepared to go into battle,

I am a warrior,
I would remove my fingertips
for such an important death,
as I make distinctive markings,
on your body,
so that I can find you again,
and lie with you,
your most,
beloved,

I prepare
many,
special,
& important things,
to take with you on the long journey,

You will reach the end,
at the long fork in the Milky Way,
3 days to get there,

And as you lie out in the sweet grass hills,
to talk to the children,
or become a medicine rock,
to heal the deeply wounded,

While I sing an endless mournful song,
& cut off my beautiful hair,
bleed again,
as I cut my thighs,
with a sharp rock,

I am stomping the prairie grass flat,
dancing in circles,
to the pounding drums,
yipping into the night,

I am chasing the dead,

I attach a rope to my wounds,
swing from them,
embracing the pain,
visions given
in the implications,
as music is drumming,

I close my eyes to see the flames
shaking my hands to the dancing licks,
my feet keep moving
find the beat,
the rhythm of life,

Extract the broken parts of my mind,
as some of your essence sinks,
back into your beautiful bones,

As I travel to the edge of loneliness,
as I try to find the end of it,

All souls eventually travel East,
to this paradise,

A lonely spirit tells me,
get on your knees
ask into the deep
wail into the pain,
lean in,
feel it,
retrieve it,
begin to even believe it,

Then pound an angry drum,
dear child
relieve it,

You must,
rail against time,
as you trust,
as you fly into the night sky,
in a blinded rage
write it all down
then gently turn again,
a page,
it's alright to cry,
& no,
this is not goodbye
just break down,
get hysterical,
scream at the night,
let it out child,
howl at that moon,
ask again & again of why,
run through the house,
with no where to go,
go crazy,

& then,
once your heart is healed,
you just come back.

Cherie Nolan © 2016