Sometimes---
I just don't know
I just say I'm fine
when really I'm not
my soul is on fire
screaming on the inside
and my sense of worth is shot.

Sometimes---
I don't know
what makes me breathe each day
the hand that stirs the ***
the urge that pushes me to the end
I have never seen this book being written
perhaps I am just waiting to transcend.

My mom used to tell me that even
before it was my first birthday
I had asthma.
I barely know how to live
yet instantly
life selfishly narrowed my airways.
I wonder why God chose air
to be the most essential element for humans
to live.
You need to breathe to live.
As to what they said, sixty percent of the body is water.
When a human is in pain, it sheds water.
When a human is in pain, its heart sinks.
When a human is in pain, it drowns.
Why not water be our air?
Why are we made up of weak bodies
that even plain words would make us cry
an ocean.
I wish that we would just live in oceans.
Tears then would never be salient.

I love your laugh.
I love your smile.
I love that you take time to breathe every once in a while.
I love that you want to help.
I love that you care.
I love that you don't get bothered if people stare.
I love that you're not afraid to treat yourself
To a cookie from the cookie jar
But most of all, I love that you're proud of who you are.

It is so hard to watch you leave.
Especially,
when you turn away
without saying a word.
It feels as if someone has stabbed
through my heart with a sword.
I can’t breathe, it is as if someone
is breathing the life out of me.
I want to break free
but I am too weak.
I am too frail to even try and fight.
This feeling is sickening
and it is filling my heart with grief.
A grief that I didn’t know existed
till I saw you leave.
I see your hands touch the door ****
and I want to scream your name,
but all I can do is sit and watch.
No, I can’t watch!
I can’t watch you leave
because it fills my heart with grief.
Instead I will turn my back on you
and let you go.

Selfish are we,
as they breathe death.
Creeps undetected,
its gluttony is relentless.

Infected by narcissus,
obsessed with “want”.
Devoured and exhausted,
we perish when exposed.

Divided by masks,
one selfless,
the other selfish.
It's your choice.

If someone were to leave me...

I would still breathe.

I'm sure you'd think I would sob,

When really I don't have the time for it at all.



When I'm done, I'm done.



Know that I won't change, and I'm not sorry for who I am or what I said.

Sometimes you need to hear words that aren't your own.



I can be aggressive.

I can be weak.

I can be wise.



These are the things in which makes me strong.

I've started to find out how to despise.



I try and try; now it all sounds like a rhyme.

My brain is fried and this is what I write.

So, if you leave now, I think I'd be alright.

Life in a mess
Mind reflects
Bring call to order
No rest small steps
Routine reigns supreme
Breathe that little bit more
Look a little bit further
Sterner fall through the pane of pain
Prioritise, it'll be worth it
Organised chaos is lived short term
Energy hiltered keep clear use a filter
House of cards can only grow so far
and won't last just wilter