She hurt you once
she hurt you twice
the last strike
and she's out

Goodbye dear lad,
not dear no more!
But, yet, something.
Something inside of
me.
I can't see
that something inside
of me.

It's yelling.
Screaming.
My heart is BEATING!

It just ain't right
But the heart wants what it wants.
My brain says no
yet it still ain't up to me,
for the heart wants what it wants.

Certain things in life,
situations, people, places,
find a way to dig
a home in your head.

No matter how much
poison you pour
down into their deep burrow,
they will always be there.

You block their voices out,
with that so oft needed
brick wall.
But eventually, the screams
find their way through.

Only to show you
how much louder and
stronger they have
become, whilst feeding
on every happy thought.

A wondering brain is a true sign of intelligence,
For this is a brain that discovers.
A wandering brain is a true sign of elegance,
For this is a brain that recovers
From internal battle of triumph and vengeance
Armed with only a pen for a sword,
From arguments started in only a sentence,
Pursuits with little reward.
I have worked hard to possess this mind
For crafted ideas and daydreams pursued
This entertainment leaves the present behind,
And my own little world is renewed.
But back to reality my brain must go,
As I lasso ideas up like cattle
For a brain running free where ideas flow
Is best used towards rules it can rattle.

So when minds build a world in fits full of passion,
Know that problems are solved in a similar fashion

The walls are up, I can feel them
My hands skim the cool wire fence that
Separates me from my inner workings
The edge of my consciousness
I want to get inside
A false sense of bravery is all it is
Because when the gate opens and I walk in
The feelings throw me to the ground
With a force I can't understand
Holding me down by the throat
Bits of past horrors flash across my vision
Thick adrenaline floods my muscles
But I can't breathe
I can't use the energy to fight or flee
I'm trapped
I can hear voices whispering darkness
Insults and judgement whipping my flesh
I can't move
I can't even blink
And suddenly I can
But my body is once more
Curled up against
That cold cold barrier
And I want inside again

Nothing is real
         Nothing is promised
                                   Nothing is true
                                                 But I'm being honest
                                                          ­           Take a step forward
                                                         ­                               Take a step closer
                                                          ­           Take a step with me
                                                 We'll fall a little over
                                   Do not trust me
             I won't trust you
Letting you down
             Is what I can do
                               The more you fall                
                                             The deeper you'll dive
                                                            ­          The more you hurt
                                                            ­                     The slower you'll die
                                                             ­         Maybe you'll end up
                                                Where I already am
                           Walk down the steps                                                       
    ­       If you think you can
A warning's been given
                 No time to dwell
                               Please, welcome to
                                                   The stairs of hell.

I suppose that,
As an author,
No one would bother
To think,
Or to ponder,
At the multicolored tubings of our minds.
Blind, they would rather be,
To the undying wonder
Of a brain that is simply mine,
Or a brain that is simply their own,
For we are all aware–
Although it remains unknown–
That we are each Pacific Oceans,
Grasping on to the tide of hope,
Undulating in anticipation,
Bursting at the seams
That our hearts try
Yet fail to scope,
As authors.


Cameron Bell, Copyright © 2019

Brain, brain go away
Don't want to listen one more day
Already lonely and afraid
Feel insecure and full of shame

Brain, brain don't act this way
You're always angry; Filled with hate
You know we're joined; Can't separate
Yourself your punching in the face

Brain, brain what can I say
To make it so you see things straight
Don't know how much more I can take
Of constant warring and debate

Brain, brain it's getting late
This journey's not some endless race
Life's flying by and at this pace
Forget a win; Not gonna place

Brain, brain let's medicate
I'll feed you drugs and we'll sedate
The only way to mitigate
Discrepancies we generate

Brain, brain we sadly waste
This outcome feels like it was fate
But never was there a sealed date
Fulfilling what we self-create

Brain, brain so much we faced
Success so close could almost taste
Instead our tail we always chased
We'll die alone sad and disgraced