Laying down thinking of how not to think
Of you
Your faint irritating smirk in a cold curve
What to do
Your chewable lips only if I could have
A few
Bites? Kisses? Is it too much to ask tell me then
How to
Step on my heart freeze my feelings become
Anew
These dark brown eyes so soft yet deep coffee
Cold brew
Dark eyes are dark with sadness, secrets yet i
See through
Your eyes are meant to sleep soundly baby ill be
The one to
Drink up your darkness, carve your scars on me
Stay true
Let's lose sanity together get drunk in each other
Let's undo
These borders that are barely fighting our heavy breathing
Then redo
This prayer, again and again in an endless dream
Turning to
Reality, it's our first dance the only way I've learned
To carry through

It's been long enough now
And enough has been said
Apologies and forgiveness passed back and forth
Like folded middle school notes
Yet here I am

"Ouch, I just bit my cheek."

As I let my rods and cones
Intercept the
Lies and smoke
The electrons radiating from my
Squared, glowing palm

I sigh
And attempt to release stagnant regret
As my mouth fills with the taste
Of
Metal

in back alley ways and missed phone calls
i let the world know i couldn't stay
i waved goodbye to the front door
as i walked to the end of the world
i gave my body permission to decay
and gifted my soul to the north
i took a bite out of the sea
and rejoiced it overlayed
the acrid taste the pills left in my mouth
i layed down to take my bow
and woke up in the same place
and i don't know why i woke up.

Cigarette burnt skin
Rise from within
Marks of the mind
Memories unfold
Unraveled and intertwined
The moments were left short
Though all traces last
Falling to the sky
Racing lungs bite
Pinching and clutching breath
What is the punishment of lust?
Could their loves be condemned?

shackled to a notion
rubbing through wrists
in rusted remains
of beautifully easy

it's a slow bleed
through insults slung
in fear the unmaliciois
only noticed in hindsight

calling the innocent a *****
doesn't breed hate from love
the duke-yeilding cowardly lion
flings back like a monkey


##

breaststroking a marathon in tears
wading through pain I never caused
pelted with double-barrelled denial
THIS IS NOT WEAKNESS

there is no waver on my solid ground
torn flesh and compound fractures
cannot break harder than history

still, gavel strikes
in sucker punched cracked ribs
that look like a past that ain't mine

###

keep hacking off pieces
maybe I'll fit into those pretty boxes
your liars left as gifts
nasty reminders that trust has sharp teeth

maybe that's just you
biting back any hand that gets too close
pandering in placating platitudes
ain't my bag

flattery fails to flounce from unfettered friends


####

can't be beat into submission
with unspoken broken rules
can't run from a truth in plain view

this is what it looks like
to believe what you know over
what you've lived

I'm not running
I'm not biting back
I'm not going anywhere

then again, why would I
I'm not the one afraid to love you




https://soundcloud.com/user-166761247/a-fourth-in-time-to-cracked-selections-of-music

your words hurt.
the way they CReep down my stomach
waltzzz in my intesTINES
swing across my kindeys.
turning it inside out.
makes me wanna crEEP up to you
wwwaltz around your body
and SWING at your face.

you called me cold,
your frozen fingers giving mine frostbite