end of story before the peak is boring

hanging like a broken door hinge

(when it flows, the show goes)

tell the thoughts to go
Initiate the change beneath the snow

carry my lust in a garbage bag
keep my composure when my feet bleed

back straight, to open up my lungs
hands up, twisted tendencies

in a space where thoughts go down the drain
those that make me go
I
   N
S
      A
N
           E

some **** I can’t contain that’s why I jot it like I’m writing out my pains

the limitations of my brain

the knowing that **** just isn’t the ******* same

the change being experienced to let the **** I can’t retain simply be

I should sleep soon
I have class at 8am

Listening to New Beginnings by Part Time
Probably my favorite band haha
I’ll

See you later

If you dwell
On the things you
WISH
You were doing

The things you
ARE
Doing
Will never be
Enough.

i.
an ailment of the mind,
incorporeal, a ghost that flits between
worlds, festers and grows —
a thumping tumour.

ii.
sick, but not really sick.
(does it hurt? paracetamol might help).
you are exaggerated and foolish.
count your blessings.

iii.
potent to change reality.
stronger than any mushrooms.
a single thought, the words and the images,
gunslingers to misery.

iv.
hook that reels in,
boding some ominous fate.
fish out of water —
flippity-flop; people sunbathe around.

v.
plodding is what it is.
plodding through a tempest,
freezing, crackled skin,
watching everyone else walking in sun.

vi.
you want to scream but don’t.
you want to explain but don’t.
you let them form their own ideas
and agree. you feed on it.

Talking to my GoPro as if it were you
Current truths
Diminish the whirling blues
inside my head where you don’t have a clue

out the zoo with my emotions
In the beginning eased it with some sleep
Because I couldn’t see the reasons for my grief
Out the shadows and the light is brief
What to think?
What to know?

The tension is rigorous
Kept inside a pin
Let it sit and sizzle until it’s smoke

Open the vents, and let it go

To seize a chance for peace
Dismantle the layers of myself
Find you in a strip
A memory I’ll always love
My love just don’t lose grip

But to love is to see you free
A peak I couldn’t see
Relief indeed
Let it bleed
Let it bleed

Let it bleed

Consume the dooms
Swallow the distrust
The other side of the moon

The ending will come soon

Sitting in my room

About to make some chicken....

I am awake

alive. aware. tired... but, so awake
ready. content? drained... but, ready.
ready for what's next.



soak.

soak while enveloped in His cloak of soundness, of serenity inconspicuously emerging from the crossfire



come to an understanding

a consensus with Yourself



stay.

stay here... in this fractured moment of freedom, of belonging, of peace

A breakthrough.

Gasp for Air before descending back into perplexity.



know

know the Answer

Believe in the Answer to all those unanswered, unanswerable questions

Love the Answer

Thank the Answer


Breathe


आप पूरी तरह से ठीक हैं
आप ठीक हो जाएंगे
आप ठीक होना पड़ेगा

अच्छा?

हाँ.

walking down the bars
the lights seem brighter
my laugh echoes in my head
the voices of arrogance seem to vanish
the dust tickles the insides of my nose
my ears are warm
***** is having a lovely time
He’s loose
arms are flowing
Legs are everywhere

And then we go to jail for 12 hours

I’m glad I’m here in my bed right now

Whatever goes on, goes like a wheel going 120 miles per hour
I’m just a dip in the road
It keeps going even if I’m the factor

The only one...

Also just watched Black Mirror for a bit....the memories aren’t worth a reaction in the present moment

But it makes sense....

It’s been a long day

**** jail

But everything is worth experiencing

I’m aware of my awareness of you,
Of my absorbing everything you do,
And wonder if you are aware of me.
But you are not real, so how could you be?

I’m loving the feeling of loving you,
Of investing my heart in all you do,
And hoping inside that you’re loving me.
But you hide your heart, so how could you be?

I’m aroused by my arousal from you,
Of the lust I feel watching all you do,
And aching for you to make love to me.
But I am nothing, so how could you be?

I’m needing those needs I have for you,
Of needing to live in the world you do,
And needing to dream you also need me.
But you’re just my dream, so how could it be?

They drop like flies I tell ya-
can't contain the pressure,
eruptions fused by anger;
frustration...
but rather than seek an explanation,
the assumptions over take them-
everybody suffers now. . .
what an awkward situation ?

to partake in such petty things . .
is to deny the soul and its awakenings . .
a waste of time and energy I tell ya-
and there's nothing worse
than feelings hurt, ignorance, and
being a ****

so have patience, be kind,
remain strong, and put the past behind,
always move forward, and seek truth
for there are many possibilities within our youth
to learn from, and be living proof
that this too shall pass

There's so much more to life than broken hearts
and senseless strife...

It feels like
impending doom.
It feels irrational.
It feels insane.
It feels like a snowball
rolling into an avalanche
wiping me off my feet
hurling me down the mountain
skidding me to a halt
debris piling on top of me
and leaving me to slowly suffocate.

somewhere in between a second ago and my next step
something that doesn't need to let go because there's nothing to let go of
only to understand

layers we can't fully experience, but know

simply having trust in the dissolution of thought


(but sometimes I see your face in my head for 3 seconds and it brings me to a state of distraught)


no palladium for me
a free being, same as the energy that flows with the leaves
no conversations regarding what a nuisance I was with no decency

that was then

and change is now, every millisecond

how could we possibly
p     re

ten
d.

??? (!!)