I have been seeking comfort for so long
I don't want to deal with the hard things
The unpleasant or mundane
In some ways, I was never taught how

But I can't shake this feeling that I need more
Seeking comfort brings on stress, anxiety, pain
I can't handle all of it

I've been struggling to change for a long time
What will it take?
I want to be ready
I decide to do things
But following through is easier said than done

How much more will I allow to fall before it's enough?
I say it's enough.

I want you to stay.
But why are you running away?

I can feel the chemicals ***** under my skin,
I can feel the sunshine pouring in.
Another day another dollar,
another distraction to silence the callers;
All those people who want to know where I've been, or all those who genuinely ask how I've been.
I've avoided these truths at all cost,
If I never look back I'll never have to face what I lost.

when he says he wants to put you
in a poem, don't believe he'll
put your petals to his nose, inhale gently,
and enumerate the tickling scents
waltzing in his nostrils.
believe he'll put your stem to his tongue
lick the thorns slowly
to open his masochistic
metallic blood.
believe that he'll spit
that blood on the floor
or in a teacup to
sit out for hummingbirds.
believe he'll paint you
naked in verse
clothe you in meter
and strip you once more.
believe that no poem
is refuge
and that your ugliness
and his ugliness
will not make a poem
beautiful.

you need time, time, time; you are under stress.
Sleep
there are assignments to make, but it's still not their last date.
Sleep
you know it's hard to face the world, nothing's changing much your fate
Sleep
all these bags under your eyes, the hole that just doesn't fill says:
Sleep

what are you pretending not to know
what are you constantly hiding from the people you think love you
because you never know for sure
you never know for sure right?
and that bothers you
it's what you pretend not to know
you know they love you
you know they do
why must you pretend
why must you avoid
why must you not be strong enough to to accept reality
you pretend not to know almost every bit of news
you pretend not to know the obvious stated right in front of you
what are you afraid of
do you fear rejection
is that why you act so oblivious
is that why you act so ignorant
I AM ASKING YOU WHAT ARE YOU PRETENDING NOT TO KNOW
BECAUSE HONEY, I KNOW YOU
I KNOW WHAT YOURE HIDING
JUST TELL ME
WHAT ARE YOU PRETENDING NOT TO KNOW
I'm sorry, but the act is over
please take off the mask
it's for your own good
I promise
and you know that
you're just pretending not to.
-mxy

I get more work done
when I'm avoiding other work