I can feel the darkness, beckoning me to jump,
Allowing it to envelop me in its cold winged, empty abyss.
A hollow, rigid weight pressing down upon my chest,
getting heavier and heavier, pushing me deeper to despair
until it crushes my lungs, allowing for no air to be gained.

I can feel the terror enticing me to play a game of Russian roulette.
Any minute now may be my last.
An empty coffin, surrounded by mourning faces of those that once turned their backs,
pleading that I had just spoken, but when I did they ran away,
telling me that the burden I have always carried, was mine to bare alone.

I can hear the last beckoning words of my once happy dreams,
'just hold on, it won't be this dark forever';
but then I remember that it is not the dark that I am afraid of, and maybe that is the problem.
I am afraid of the emptiness that unfurls before me,
leaving me alone to battel these faceless monsters that are too powerful to ever be beaten.

I can feel the cold, darkness enticing me to lie down and give in,
enveloping me in my last shred of sanity
before the darkness takes me up in it's hollowed out pity,
laughing in my face about the weak, feeble character I have become.
Broken and bruised by a world that could not see the damage it had caused a child;
offering only cold shoulders of the night to lay my head upon.

I am afraid
Terrified of the future to come

Sometimes I stop
In the middle of the street
Wondering where I'm headed

But as I stand there
I know nothing's going to change
If I don't move forward

So I just wander past
The lights the people the places

And hope for a world
Where I can stop and rest
And not fear for the future

As we grow old,
we build these walls around us,
a protective conservative envelope,
of
not trusting anyone easily.
Afraid to open up,
share our thoughts,
be friends with someone new.
Keeping it to the least,
friends only for own selfishness,
just for the mutual benefits.

Its not bad,
for we cant trust anyone easily,
living in a big city,
where every one is looking to prey on someone.
use others for their own benefits.
after being betrayed in love and friendship,
it makes sense that we stop trusting people.

BUT

Have we lost all the hope too ?
to get a good friend again ?
to find a true love ?
to open up to the other people ?
and share and talk our heart out ?

***** to be betrayed,
but
can't just hide behind the walls and be afraid.

the dreams is the worst that there is, in them
you soak up cascades of wrong
decisions and get lost in fearful
streets stairwells and cities in ruins
and fail and lose your people
your loved ones
and awake shouting or with raw noises
in the throat only your black cat may hear