ACT I

Opening Act!!

My Life.

(Pause)

What was the punchline?

Because I didn't get the joke.

(Crowds laughs hysterically)

To,
The Queen of my Heart

Though we be apart, many miles apart
the distance is moot, when the love is afoot
but a lot can be said, for a kiss on the head
a warm touch on skin, a peck on the chin
the lack of a hug, does on the heart tug
but I pretend all that is less, than what I feel, I confess
I have never shed a tear, but I was quite near

If truth be told, and it is a fact of old
Men are much more, than unfeeling bores
we love, we kiss, we hurt when you are amiss
its a facade we play, the mask we wear everyday
we try to seem strong, its been so for so long
which sometimes is viewed, as being dull, or rude
So we were taught, what a man ought to do, and what not
we don't wish to hurt, when we seem distant, or curt
the mask won't come off, its soldered on tough
but if you wont give up without a fuss, and there's no one but us
I might let it drop, and open the lock
so my heart may spring free, in tandem with thee
and joy becomes me, after an eternity
So bear with me my dear, I am but chained to my fear
though there will be such times, when I join life's rhyme
and together we shall dance, our hearts in a trance

No pants.
Black tank top.
Music on.

Pills in.
Tears nonexistent.
Numb.

I think.
Try to find myself.
Who am I?
I come to a blank.

Can't find me.
Just my acts.

I swallow.

Bleeding from thighs,
Carelessly bleeding in the middle of the
family room.

Thinking.
***** rises.
I run and help it go.

Look in the mirror.
Not me.

My persona swallowed me.

Run and lay into the middle of the floor.
The rest of me sinking into hell.

I'm nothing but an act.

I'm so tired of pretending like I feel nothing for you;
acting like we can be just friends now,
no longer sharing secrets and 1am laughs,
and missing those kisses like no one is watching.

My mind is weary from holding back the memories of "us",
the sly ones that creep up every once in a while.
But now "we"
are
you
and
me.

How are you not exhausted?
Are you forcing that smile when you see me with him,
like I do when I see you with her?

Doesn't it sting a little
for you to think of me baring my naked soul to someone else?
Because it's killing me everyday
to imagine you holding and touching another girl,
the same way you did to me

Sometimes I think I see it in your eyes,
or maybe it's just wishful thinking,
that you might miss me as much as I miss you,
or maybe it's just my weakness coming through.

Forced smiles and introductions,
Simple hi's and how are you's
The biggest show you have to display
Time against you,
How long can you keep up the act?
It gets harder,
as the pain becomes clearer.
The world spins faster,
Lost for thoughts.
You choose not to think,
To feel,
To be.
Giving up wasn't the hard choice,
As you see it,
It was the only choice.

Just because I like science does not mean I'm atheist.
Just because I'm Christian doesn't mean I'm religious.
Just because  it's easy for me to make friends doesn't mean I don't have social anxiety.
Just because I don't eat as much as everyone else doesn't make me anorexic.
Just because I make honor roll doesn’t mean I'm smart.
Just because I don't wear tons of makeup everyday doesn't mean that I'm confident in myself.
Just because I do not judge anyone does not mean I don't have an opinion.
Just because I blog a photo of a naked lady doesn't make me bi/ lesbian.
Just because I know the guy I like doesn't like me back doesn't mean that I can't continue to like him.
Just because people call me pretty and I say thank you does not mean I believe I am.
Just because I ignored you does not mean I didn't hear you insult me.
Just because I laughed it off does not mean it didn't hurt.
Just because I act strong does not mean I am.
Because that's all it is.. An act.
But no one cares to get to know the real me, so I hope you're happy with what you get.