Oh.
I think of you so poetically but whenever I see you I just laugh.
Did you even deserve my poems?
Did you deserve all the romantic thoughts I have of you,
Imaginary roses, imaginary smiles?
Maybe we don't belong together.
Maybe I'm just desperate.
The love was so sweet, it makes me sad to see it crumble away
Fade away into the wind.
Maybe that's the only way I can be free.
If I let go.
Falling in love, the colours seem so bright.
The stars light up the nights.
Smiles taste like candy.
It's sugary thoughts and love heart music, schoolgirl chills and giggling in the corridors.
But maybe all you are is a boy.
And all I am is a girl.
And maybe we are just people
Searching, searching
For something we have yet to find
Within ourselves.
So I will let go
I will let it sail into the wind
All that poetry, all those thoughts
And I will learn to love myself
First.

she got home late that night. that same night you broke her. she lay in her bed with her eyes overflowing with tears thinking of all of the damage you had caused her. her heart broke as she saw you with that girl. she knew that she would never be anything like her. her heart broke as she thought of the lies you told her. her most favourite lie she heard from you was "I love you". she knew you didn't mean it when you said it but it still made her happy. she saw that you were "online". but not for her. she wanted to try her best to forget everything about you. your name. your mother's favourite song. your scent. your voice. those hugs and kisses. she drank a whole bottle of ***** trying to forget your name, but the only name she forgot was hers.

love. it's so... powerful. maybe that's why we're so afraid of it. it's what makes us lift a car for a trapped baby and create blooming symphonies and spend our nights crying over a bleeding poetry journal. because it pulls on every fibre in our bones and attaches us to the blaze of the sunrise sky and the hands of another person and knowing, with all the strength in our very pure souls, that we'll shift continents and break rocks and shatter glaciers just for that one person for nothing in return. that is the power of love and it can consume you entirely. but you'll adore and crave every second of it.

I need to see you, so I can work everything out. its just like one of those "solve for x" math equations, where I need the unknowns to figure everything out. you seem happy. you're smiling and I'm wondering, what kind of people wander into your mind? is it her? she's the beautiful, radiant one, with skin like silk and a voice like sunshine with the moon in her eyes. is it them? those people with plants sprouting from their veins, their souls so pure, like they grow from the earth itself. is it me? the ordinary girl. the girl with hair of gold but a mind so broken that you only see the pieces if you open your eyes wide enough.

now you're a memory, desperately trying to be forgotten. the sad truth is that memories don't just 'fade away'. I'm not sure if I'll be able to get you out of my head and the memories we once shared. God, I loved you so much.

she found tranquillity in listening to melancholic music because of the lyrics and melodies that eased her desolation.

this won't last. i know it won't. i guess i never really understood the phrase 'too good to be true'... until i met you. suddenly, you appeared out of nowhere at a time i was weak and broken. and you smiled, and you laughed, and your eyes found mine - and that gave me the courage to pull myself up and start feeling the world again with my bruised hands. suddenly, everything was on fire and it was so sweet and,i  loved every last bit of it. suddenly, i started seeing colours in everything: people, footsteps, voices; the sky, my movements, your art. i stayed up late at night inking rich poetry about you - in fact, i still do, and yet, fire is fragile. i don't want us to turn to ash. i want to stay in this warm flame, forever.

let's be the wild youth while we still can. let's let young love lead our lives, let's write poetry into our black notebooks until 2 am, let's spill secrets under our schoolgirl skirts, lets run across streets when we told our parents we were sleeping over. lets sing on rooftops with our bottles pointing towards the stars. lets play joy division while we kiss in haunted moonlit areas. let's say '**** it' and laugh and cry and feel every emotion known to mankind. let's forget our responsibilities. let's be reckless while we still can.

I remember the feeling I had towards you when we first started talking. I thought you were amazing. I remember talking on the phone with you and telling stories, I remember you telling me how much you loved milk and I disagreed with you, but I knew I really liked you and I never wanted to mess anything up because I didn't want to lose someone like you. You made my heart flatter and I'd always get butterflies whenever I saw your name pop up on my screen, there was no better feeling. I miss that.

she spent countless nights composing pieces of poetry about the different ways in which he had completed her. she spent countless nights sitting with a shattered heart, crying and getting intoxicated trying to forget about you, and the memories you once shared with her. a few months later, she's still broken, but she's slowly healing, from all of the damage you'd caused her. it's still a work in progress.