i imagine his hands are warm
they fit so perfectly in mine
my mood would instantly transform
and everything would be fine

i imagine his smile
so beautiful and bright
if everything was dark for a while
i'd know it would all be alright

but then i'm back here
in my cold, empty bed
for a man that holds me dear
only exists in my head

The heat is becoming unbearable.
[average repair cost $488]
I'm manually cranking the window
[1998 Chevy S-10]
While Dad drives me to the store.

I'm craving Nutella
[Great Value Hazelnut Spread]
And pomegranates seeds.
[only one container without mold]
I hope Mom doesn't mind the price.

Turning 22 this year;
[also a model from 1998]
I hope to start on Testosterone
[again]
And maybe learn to drive

the scorching summer sun
makes the day almost unbearable
even the plants agree
the sun needs to *******

I guess its not the sun's fault
it's just doing its thing
but maybe it could tone it down a bit
since our sunscreen was washed away

it could be worse though;
the summer storms could roll through
flooding the countryside in a muddy wave
and leaving us trapped underwater

the floods didn't use to be common,
but now they happen every year
sometimes i jokingly wonder aloud
who forgot to turn off the hose

so I'll just sit in front of my fan
wishing we had ac
and longing for ice cream
that has already melted

your tears fall free
and mingle with mine
creating a stream of sorrow,
flooding the world around us

i sink beneath the waters
and our tears fill my lungs
all i can breathe is the sadness
brought forth by my own hand

but grief is not forever
and one day these tears will evaporate,
leaving condensation on my window
and eventually become a cool spring rain

my heart has learn'd
but not my mind
memories flood through,
causing pain and sorrow
that which was once joyous
is now a shadow in my brain
why is it that a thought
can bring me to my knees?

I sometimes am afraid
To go outside
Because there is a high chance
Of being trampled by elephants

They roam the streets
Seemingly peaceful to the untrained eye
But these elephants can turn on a dime
And crush you underfoot

The only way to be safe around them
Is to wear an elephant mask
And crush the mask-less with them
Filling you with guilt

I sometimes am afraid
To go outside
Because there is a high chance
Of being trampled by elephants

A floral mat
Separates me from
The tile floor
I feel anxious despite the peace

The instructor speaks
My heart stops
Because I know
The chest binder can’t hold
Through another downward-facing dog

Heaviness
The weight on my chest
Excessive flesh
A distinctive sign
Separating me
From the other men in the room

This is a suicide note
From the person you thought I was.
From the girl, from the woman, and
From the person who used bathrooms without a ******.

“If you are reading this
Then I am dead.
It was inevitable.

I would have died either way.
The only variable was
Whether or not
He died too.”