An action. Never-ending.  
It's the way I love because I love the wrong way.
I lust for items, I lust for touch.
Most of all, I lust for us to be chest to chest.
With ragged breathing, sweaty palms.
Wet lips and all thought gone.
No gentle whispers.
No soft clutch.
To be held tight. To be kissed rough.
I do not lust for hand holding or that over used, three worded phrase.
The only three words I lust for are 'I want you'.
The only whisper be our skin brushing together.
Nails raking down your back.
A sigh of ecstasy at a long-awaited ******.
And when my body hungers for more,
Lust will call you back to my door.

Six hours a day
Five days a week
We laugh
And smile
And gossip
And just talk
We fangirl
We sing
We cheat
We walk
We never share those deepest of secrets
Never speak of family or friends
Yet, someone we manage to talk for five days to no end
But, outside those doors
And away from that town
We are nothing but strangers, home bound
Not a text nor a call
Not a word for days
We live our lives in very different ways
Sometimes I may cross your mind
And other times you have crossed mine
But, we never go out of the way
To give each other the time of day
So, if there is one thing I keep, once the years come to an end:
You were just an acquaintance; ne'er a friend

I told my heart not to **** around again
But Gods know it never listens
Always speeding up in your presence
Though I'm not the focus of your eye anymore
Your ***** *** smile still makes me want to smile along with you
I let you use me like it doesn't actually hurt
I was your world for a small fraction of time
And you were mine
But luck doesn't care for me enough to make it last
And my emotions will forever rule me
So, yeah, I'm sitting here craving your hands on my waist
Remembering the feeling of you holding me tight to your chest
The sound of your heart beat is still my lullaby
And the whisper of your breath on my neck still makes me tremble
Jesus, I fell for you so hard
Because you make me feel like summer on a cold, winter's night
**** man, it was because I thought you were the man I needed
That hero in my world of villains
But, I'm learning this is just a game to you
And I'm just along for the ride
This will probably be the hardest lesson I'll learn about love
So, before I go
I'm in love with you
And *******
And I'll see you Saturday night

Bone, muscle, and tendon
Then love, hate, and redemption
An emotional roller coaster
A broken bridge
A few memories we have all hid
A lost word
A forgotten phrase
Time we have lost
And lessons we have gained
A secret, a story
A little bit of gory
But, most importantly
What no one can see
Under my skin
Deep in my heart
That is where you will find the real me

Society tells me my size 22 hips
Are disgusting
That the hole in my lip
Is atrocious
My pointed nails, my blue hair, my black clothes
Are products of the devil
I am given freedom of religion yet, I am condemned because my Goddess is not
your God
I am poked and prodded at because my sexuality goes beyond laying with a man
In my state, I cannot marry a women because society is so entrapped in their perfect religion
How is this a fair world if I cannot be me?
As a woman, I am expected to keep my opinion to myself, bear children, and serve a husband
Yet, I am independent and creative
I thrive to make my own path
To be successful in myself and those closest to me  
To be unique and to question everything I will not conform to a society in which I cannot think for myself

I believe in what cannot be seen
Therefore, I am crazy
I work better alone; think better on my own
I keep my words in my brain because they aren't the same as everyone's
So, I am depressed
My body composition is curvaceous and *****
So I starve myself to get the body society has entitled as perfection
But, what of my body?
Do I live how I see fit?
Hiding from mirrors and cameras, covered up by the baggy clothes boys wear on a day to day basis
Or do I entomb myself in a decaying corpse to live a short life of perfection
No.
I will walk with my head held high and my skirt blowing in the wind
Because I will not conform to society's definition of perfection

I crave affection in the physical form
Therefore, I am a ****
But you don't know my back story
You do not know how my entire life I was deprived of the emotions I so desperately craved
I don't know how to feel when a feeling is all that is offered to me
So, I remain alone
Because I am not beauty in society's eye
Therefore, I am not your first choice
Even though everyone says 'do not judge a book by it's cover'
I am cast away before you get to know me
Before you know my talents, my hobbies, my aspirations in life, my goals, my struggles, the reasons behind my words
Because society has been taught to love with the eyes and not the heart
What about the pigmentation of my skin complexion?
Society automatically disregards me as a troubled teen
That I will just become another statistic of the African-American populace
But I say I won't
Because my ancestors fought and died for their freedom, therefore I should fight for my say in my life
I will not be fat-shamed
I will not be ****-shamed
I will not be black-shamed
Because I cannot and will not conform to a society in which I cannot be me

I was always told to hold onto hope if nothing else
So, I hoped I would make it to hollywood
But I never got my callback
And I lost a little hope
I hoped to meet my idols
But I turned out to be another face in the crowd
And so, I lost a little hope
I hoped someone would stop and see behind my mask
But everyone kept walking
And I lost a little hope
Now, I just hope to make it through a day
But everything keeps falling apart
*And I realize I've lost hope

Nothing is better than The Rush.
No feeling in the world can compare to the high.
The smell of a powdery mountain overtakes my nose.
The tingle of a warm syrup slithers through my veins.
The inhale of smoke swarms into my lungs.
And the days slowly fade away.

Nothing is worse than The Crash.
When you can feel the euphoria dripping out of every crevice.
The stink of the sweat that rains down over my clammy skin.
The aches and shadows that encompass my sunken eyes.
The cramps that seize me and ******* my body.
Make me realize the I can't live without the high.

How will I ever be a mom
When my baby maker is as broken
As this dark heart?
What an unfair world

I am but a leech, desecrating in lilly glossed waters;
Clotting beautiful beads, like bracelets, across wet flesh.
Desire is a horseman in this world, coming to close the curtains on the day.
Why stop? For lashes from the scepter that was to guide us?
Fractured and rotten; yet we still cling for a taste of a crumb of the life once held within it's dead trunk.
Death. But an old friend and a forgotten enemy greedily tickling this slicken frame.
Fingers float tempting whispers to my every nerve and I long for my senses to set ablaze in those writhing clutches
Screaming from inside for release that teases and tingles like the ****** that never comes. Shaken and slightly shrunken
Light blazes at the doors, searing and scorching the very flesh that holds a withered frame
No longer seeking escape,
I slither back to the darkness I seem to have forgotten was home once before

A baby face
Gorgeous eyes
Dark brown hair
And a glasses kind of guy
Your slender frame
Your welcoming smile
Your cute little laugh
Your awesome style
When we first met
I only saw you as a friend
But now I am wondering
Are you a new chapter, before my story ends?

Pain and anger
Fear and lust
I want to forget
I want to be touched
I wanted to hide
I wanted to run
But I'm here in your arms and captured in your clutch  
I want to be rocked,
To be ruled and ride
I want to be trapped and buried alive
I want to be torn and torn in two
I want to feel every inch of you
But you want me to be a good girl and follow the rules
And I want to be naughty and show you how to use your tools
I'm torn between wanting you or running to hide
But if you hit this first
You'll know when I decide

The pristine crystals of ice
Glisten under the light of the moon
And the snap of crisp twigs underfoot
Startle those not immune.
The sparkling white,
A blanket of encased life,
Is a frigid treat
To these cold eyes.

I don't want to 'chill'; I want to be courted.
I want to dance under the stars, not in a club.
Let's get lost and lay out, looking at the sky and sneaking side glimpse of each other when one of us isn't looking.
I don't need you to spend all your money on shiny things.
Just one that glistens on my finger when you get on one knee.
Let's spin around until we collapse in a fit of laughs.
Get me a bouquet of roses, with a fake one in the middle,
And say, "I'll love you until the last one dies."
Use every one of those cheesy pick up lines from every chick flick you've ever seen,
Because I guarantee you'll win me faster.
I know my heart is so young,
But my soul has some mileage.
What can I say, though?
There's nothing like a good, old-fashioned kind of love.

The light of the sky darkens
And clouds roll in thick
Lightening flashes in my eyes
Thunder cracks like a snapped twig
All the happiness is drained away
As the clouds swell in pride
I lay on the ground, cold and drained
I've lost all my fight
Suddenly the ground quivers
All the structures shake
Raindrops gush from the near-black sky
And I'm slowly washed away

In this world.
In my brain.
To the rules of this game.
I'm lost as to why I'm lost because I've been shown the way.
This road is in front of me.
Clear as a crystal.
A crystal that's been coloured, cracked, and thrown away.
But, a crystal all the same.
So, why do I want to take that left turn and not go straight?
Travel through tunnels and under bridges, rather than along the empty fields where I can see?
Because, being lost outside, started with being lost in me.
I'm a puzzle.
A ten thousand count puzzle.
Overwhelming and intimidating.
Exotic and different.
A challenge.
I create a plan to find my way.
A plan to not lose myself in all the pieces.
Finish the outer layer.
Work on the next.
Look! I'm lost again.
I work until my body is tired.
My eyes rimmed red.
Until I look like the walking dead.
I'll make my way home, only to be met with turns again.
Let me take a moment to find a way in this brain.
And when I think I've finally found my way,
I'll sleep and wake.
Only to be lost again, the very next day.

When I am with you
My soul is alight
My body electrified
Tu es mon autre moitié

When I am alone
I crave the feel of your skin
I hunger for the lightness of your fingers through my hair
Je ne peux pas être sans votre lumière

So, as I lie next to you
Tucked in close to your side
There is only one thing in this world I am certain of
*Mon cœur aime ton cœur

Twelve years of difference
I still can't stay away
I've been swept up in your voice
And pulled into your games

The thought of loving you petrifies me
But the thought of forgetting you stabs  
It seems I'm stuck; not a soul at my side
Doomed to wander, heartbroken, through the lands

Here I stand in the darkness
As my heart swells at the mention of your name
Our story is as great as Daniel and Lucinda
Yet, I bet we could put them to shame

So, as the days are rolling by so slowly
And I just wish to call you mine
I'll sing the song of a hopeless romantic
Trapped in the wrong time

January 8th of 1998 is the day your game began
Already holding up an enraged mother in a fatherless home with your small, infant hands
As the years go by, it all gets better, you can see the light of day
But just hold on, my dearest friend, your teenage years are on their way

November 23rd of 2011 is when the tables are turned
You befriend the sad, lonely girl and shed light on her tattered world
Up and down this round goes and you hold each other for dear life
It may seem endless, but I promise you, things will turn out right

April 19th of 2015 you are reaching the last of your bluffs
No matter how many times you go over it, the terrain always remains rough
This hand you were dealt is a nasty one, with tears and screams and fights
Just hold on, I've been there and survived it, and I will serve as your guiding light

Love is such an over-rated, over-used word.
But, somehow, I'm in love with you.
With your eyes so seafoam green and your hair so sandy brown.
Your lips so plump and pink; your concentrated frown.
How you love my fingers through your hair and my nails down your back.
It's okay, I love it too, and I'll never take it back.
I love the way you tower over me and carry me when I'm in pain.
Text me good morning, text me good night, and never take me in vain.
How your smile is my smile and your tears fall with mine.
It's just too bad that loving you has turned out to be a crime.
A crime of passion, a crime of lust.
All coated over with a layer of rust.
Because no relationship ever works in me.
So I guess I can only love you casually.

Hiding behind lipstick and cigarettes,
She slips on a tight dress
Only to slip out of it again and again.
This girl,
This teenage girl that clutches her secrets as she steps onto a midnight street
Where everyone thinks she's just a piece of meat.
They can bite and tear into her until they're satisfied
And then leave her laying with tears in her eyes.
This girl,
This teenage girl, who has already had to learn how to survive.

For hours on end she slips in and out of the dress,
Her clothes disheveled, her hair now a mess.
All she holds onto is that she can make it through.
So, with a stack of cash and a warm cup of Joe,
She shuffles and limps the long way home.
"Food" and "Rent" is laid on the table
And she steps in the shower, barely able.
The tears flow freely with no one is sight
This girl,
This poor, teenage girl, who has become trapped in the night.

One.
The blade across my scarred skin
Dull and rusted
It a long ago friend I fear to see
But everyone keeps tempting me
The glances, the words, the whispered phrases
They play through my ears like broken music none can bear
But bear it, I must
For I fear the blade with its ****** rust

Two.
Athazagoraphobia
Drowning in a room of people
Alone and forgotten
I struggle for air as I sit alone
Wondering what I have done to be cast out on my own
Like a boulder, the depression weighs on on me
Why can't you see!?
I fear, my dear, you have forgotten me

Three.
A white face and a black cloak
A skeletal hand around my throat
A laugh that chills my weary being
And endless pits that stare at me
Your hands are acid as you carry me to Hell
While no one can hear my stangled yell
Not a thing, but a person, alas
I fear, yet crave, Death's burning grasp

Four.
The ****** hands taunt me
And her hollow gaze holds me
This undead girl is Hell itself
Placed her to torture me
Not a day goes by without her presence
Nor a thought through my head without her acceptance
She controls everything I see
Cuts me and laughs as I bleed
Yet, no one understands when I plead and plead
For, you see, my greatest fear is me

Sitting on the window pane
You look out at the autumn skies
Remembering the events of a month pass
It all plays across your eyes

The loss of the friend you thought you knew
Your family falling to ruins
The pain of falling victim to abuse
You wish none of it was true

Then, the sky is dark
Lightning flashes
Thunder rumbles
And all your electricity crashes

A tornado swirls close to your home
Dust flies through the trees
The ones you know run for their lives
But you open your arms, ready to be free

You open your eyes
The tears begin
You let out a saddened sigh
No, not this time, for it was the storm in your eyes again

Someone who enjoys pain
Smiling as blood drips from wounds
And dopamine pours from the brain
A moan escapes as your teeth clamp down
Coated with bruises
To show to the whole town
Pulling on heartstrings
Or pulling on hair
The pain is the same, so why do I care
Because I'm a ******* baby
Punish me good; all night and all day
Because, if I can feel the pain
I know you'll stay

Your promises are worthless
Your love is a lie
So as I hang with the guys
I hope you sit and cry
You said I give you meaning
That ur fake without me
So drink the bottle your momma gave you
Cause baby you only ever needed me
I hope you enjoy being single
Because I enjoy it a lot
And since there's no more you and me
I can stake my claims with a special dot
You think I'm gunna cry all day
Think of you all night
Well baby you got another thing comin
Cause your life without me will be a fight

The night is around me
Surrounds me
Encompasses me in its arms
It hides me
Guides me
Holds me close to its heart

The night so defiant
So infrangible
So thrilling
It holds my head up high
Supports me
Disciplines me
It's infatuated with this heart of mine

The night so dark outside
So atramentous
So incubating
It teaches me how to be
Alluring in my eye
Unquenchable in my desire
The night, so bright, is where I aspire

The pen is crusted
Dry and rusted
The ink is red
It grows brighter as I use it again and again
Each layer a story with a saddened end
No one understands why the pen is my friend

The paper is brown
Torn and frowned
Covered in rough-edged lines
The pen on paper is the only way to pass the time
With each line, a tear stream down my face
No one understands why I craze the way it makes my heart race

The paper is too stained and the pen too dry
My friends see my face and wonder why I have cried
Then I pull out the paper from behind my sleeve
And their gasp echo through the trees
They pity in their eyes let's me know I'll write again
Now, do you understand? My skin and the blade are the paper and the pen

A part of me loves you.
Loves to hold your hand and laugh at your jokes,
To hug you tight and never want to let go.
I miss you when you're gone
And hate when you leave,
A part that cries when you're sick
And is happy that you still breathe.
I want to say you know me,
My hobbies and my dreams.
I want to say I have a dad that truly loves me.

Then, there's a part of me that hates you.
Hates that you broke my heart and left me behind,
Never wiped my tears when I started to cry.
I pray that you forget me
And never want to come back,
A part that knows you've chosen your liquor over me
And hopes you have a heart attack.
I want to forget your face,
Your name, your number, and your life.
I want to forget I have a dad that has caused me so much strife.

These parts coexist inside me.
A never-ending battle inside my heart.
Hate can win or love can lose,
It depends on how my day starts.
So, patiently I'll wait for that inevitable call
That day your heart ceases to beat,
Until then there will always be
Two halves of a whole that make up me.

Jump or drown
My blood-curdling screams echo in the quiet breeze
That blows over cotton fields and through peach trees
Frozen in in a lake of despair
Why am I here? Why am I here?
To jump or drown the water sneers

Filled with hollowness
Full of emptiness
The peak of my sin is you
I cannot hide from my feelings so true
That sink me in a muddy brew
With the creatures of darkness that on my skin they chew
And I look into their eyes that whisper jump or drown, it’s up to you

Frosted forever. Do you care?
Frozen in the southern air
On a lake in the boat we both share
That tumbles and rolls on the still waters, so fair.
While the wind whips through my fiery hair
You fall gracefully to the waters as, in my eyes you stare
The water fills your lungs and you struggle for air
Jump or drown you scream in your stare
I choose to drown and be with you down there

All I did was treat you right
I made you the number one thing in my life
Even when we broke it off
I let you act like you were the boss
Yet on the last day that we have together
You act like you are so much better
Even when I joke
You treat me crap
You know what you deserve?
I nice and powerful slap

When I broke down and cried
You gave me your shoulder and wiped the tears from eyes
Then, not even 10 minutes late
You talk about me, right to my face?
Yet, you do not understand why I am glaring at you
And feeling things oh so cruel

So listen up and listen good
I am leaving you in the dust like I know I should
If you are going to try to break me like a toy
I'll just laugh with joy
I refuse to be controlled by any person, especially so rude
I hope you enjoy your summer because, Logan, I'm done with you

Today is a silent day.
A "lost in thought" kind of day.
When reality is not my first choice because my mind focuses on all the sharp, pointy things
And Today is not the day to succumb to sharp, pointy things.
I'd be fine if it wasn't for this book I started today.
Today's book is about a girl who likes sharp, pointy things.
And they keep describing it in such vivid details,
I can almost feel my skin splitting and a river pouring out.
But, Today can't be the day I break.
I've traded the sharp, pointy things for paint brushes
And the only designs on my wrists are done in pen.
But, Today, the world is weighing on me
And I just can't escape.
148 days is such a hard number to obtain.
And zero so easily found
But, I will reach 149.
Today will be mad
But, Tomorrow will be proud.

You said you loved me that was a lie
So while your lips meet hers i'll go cry
A pain so huge it seeps from my pores
And forces me to hide behind closed doors
All this for you now look what i've become
A cold lonely girl meant for no one
I guess now i finally see
What happens when you love someone irrevocably

One slice, two slice, three slice, four
Five slice, six slice, seven slice, more
You can follow the trail as I walk out of your door
To the world of hate, where we all want more
Where the ones you love become the ones you hate
And the ones you hate just want to discriminate
Each drop of blood, every single tear
These groans in my throat, all born from fear
If you can't take me as I want to be
Then, one slice, two slice, two slice, three

Cheers to the girl with a mind bigger on the inside than it is on the outside
Tears to the mad woman who can never keep up with the up side and the down side
Yes to the silly girl, the happy girl, the fun girl searching for adventures
No to the mature girl, the scary girl, the dark girl making choices and suffering consequences
Fun for the mad woman that sees world after world
Done is the good girl that has gone to war
This girl and this mad woman, living side by side
One in the dark and one in the light
But under the skin, in their two hearts, where the truth really hides
You'll find nothing but fear, guilt, rejection, and lies

As the flaming hues of yellows and reds and oranges
Gracefully fall across the horizon
The sky darkens.
The receding rays of gold fire and frost blue
Fade into deep ceruleans and violet purples
Until there is a world of an unlimited shade of blacks and silvers
Decorated with a galaxy of stars
Spanning every shade, tone, and hue of a rainbow
And everything is, was, an will always remain
An explosion of colours

The mirror shows me a face
But my mind questions it

Who are you?

She wears my hair
Has my sinking, glazed over eyes
My cracked lips
But this isn't me

I have words I want to say
Tears I want to cry
A smile I haven't seen since she came along

Trapped inside my own shell
I live a synthetic life
Always under the surface
But never strong enough to break through

So, inside I will remain
Trying to decipher this struggle
While she writes my story
Hides my tears
And lives her lies

I see sunshine in your eyes
And moonlight in your smile.
My effervescent star;
My rainbow child.

Eagerly, I await that flutter in your chest
Or your head laid gently to my full breast.
With lullabies and whispers, we'll lay you to bed
And a kiss upon your small, curly head.

For I have sunshine in my eyes
And moonlight in my smile.
With you, come new life;
My darling, rainbow child❤

I walk around on a dark night
I feel your presence with no fright
You intend to take
I intend to give
My blood is crazy for your love again

Your intense gave fell upon me
The moonlight framing me perfectly
My hair cascading down my back
Over a dress; blood red and midnight black
My golden eyes sparkle at the sight of you
Only your smile could ever break through

We run to each other
Your embrace is so tight
Your stride, so graceful
Your touch, so light
It feels that forever we did stand
Until the sun kissed the land

You held me close through the morning light
But as morning approached, I realized
Something happened that dark night
Death, my love, left me to die
Now the streets are filled with my howling cries

They gave me a choice
I could live and breathe
But only on their terms
Or I lived on my knees
And I got to live for a moment
Loved but never free
Until a frightful day
When they were the cause of my screams
And the Gods sent you to me

You lifted me up
You filled me in
You took my hand
And let our lives begin
You gave me hope
You sent me peace
You helped me stand
To live a life off my knees
You brought me home

And so we ran
As far as we could go
We were in our own world
And no one had to know
We were happy and so free
Shielding me from the harm
Kisses so sweetly
And when you wrapped me in your arms
You whispered tenderly

You lifted me up
You filled me in
You took my hand
And let our lives begin
You gave me hope
You sent me peace
You helped me stand
To live a life off my knees
You brought me home

Here we stand
In a loving embrace
I know I am home
When you caress my face
Your arms are as strong
As an angels' wings
Feels so right it should be wrong
And it makes me want to sing
About what you have done for me
You brought me home and now I am free