I lost myself somewhere in-between our ending and all of the might've been's
I wanted it to be you
the kind of love that was always more forest fire than fairytale
and all I know is you left me someplace in the middle of "I miss you" and "I need space"
I fell into your hesitation because it was all I had left

I always wondered about storms
if walking through the mud ever did anything besides ***** up my shoes
and make me think of what it's like to breathe without fear of being left behind
my dad always swore he loved me but I only remember him by bar stools and beer bottles
the sound of rain against windshields on the way to his house
was it my fault I've never seen him on my birthday?
the thing about storms is they never have mercy
they don't care about the one that swallowed you yesterday
and it rained for twenty days straight but I still wasn't clean

I was listening to sad songs on the way to work and crying in the grocery store before it was over
as if my heart knew before my head that you were too good to last
& it's not about how little or long I knew you or the way your lips felt against mine
time was never a deciding factor and I didn't lose sleep wishing I were kissing you
maybe it was me and my tendency to make things so much more than they are
but I always felt like I lost you before you really left

please don't use my lips to forget about hers
if my hips are thicker and legs smoother  I hope you don't find yourself craving faded memories
I won't let her scars scare me away if you promise to stay when my tears fall needlessly
and God I'd love to say we found each other easily & unscathed
but my bruises are still purple and sometimes I wonder how he is
please believe me when I say he never made me laugh the way you do and I know you only want me on your passenger side
we have loved before but never like this

the skies are blue here
laces of red & I'm reminded of you
whoever, wherever you are
I hope you are okay
I hope you are thinking of me
& I hope the skies are blue where you are, too

every morning like paradise
and heaven doesn't seem so far away with you
euphoria is your tan skin against mine
& there are one million thoughts in my mind
all connecting back to how to hold onto this moment
I know tomorrow we'll be strangers once again
please just hold me for today