he met her at a very strange time in his life. no, scratch that. that was basically a quote from fight club.

i.
but frankly, he did meet her at his lowest lows
when he wanted the vortex to **** him in so he could vanish and rest and maybe find peace-
for his girl was gone and left him to fend for himself in this chaotic world, scattering the past, present and future they’ve dreamt of in a hurricane before she did, one that ****** the life out of him
his girl, the girl of his dreams, the girl he dreamt with, the girl he dreamt for, the girl who shattered his dreams gone

ii.
he slowly opens up to her
and she slowly gets to know him
well mostly, his love story left to die with its tragic ending, another tale of an unrequited- now one sided- love
she doesn’t really mind for she’s known pain and misery,
known them enough to last almost half of her lifetime
she knows how having them as company turns living into the art of merely breathing
and so she refuses to take flight from this almost stranger who, because of the way circumstances have rolled she’s stuck with
misery loves company doesn’t it?

iii.
he has turned her into his shoulder to cry on
changes taking toll with time’s passing,
yet their connection remains constant,
their unexpected friendship unfazed
two people with the same wavelength, gliding with the same frequency,
relatively similar to soulmates
and they could end up together in the snap of a finger, voila
as easy as how random they picked up
but nothing easy is ever worth having

and try as they, she might,
it seems like it can’t be


iv.
she’s always there for him
she’s seen him cry, beat himself up enough times
she’s aware that he could be quite a handful
perhaps ignoring his constant “i need you’s”
and “please don’t give up on me’s”
and evaporating one day into the air and blocking his number would be the best option;
letting go could be her salvation
before she chooses drowning over keeping her head up for one particular boy-
she’s the one consistently found on his side
she’s the one with the 2am jokes when the world decides to act as his shadow
and the one with the random spur of the moment topics that never fail to amuse him

v.
sometimes he’s left wanting to lose the remaining sliver of hope he has for humans
so he makes her out to be just like everybody else
on those occasions when he wants nothing more than bottles of ice cold whiskey and packs of cigarettes from dawn to the late night hours, to cease existence
he expects her to appear and announce her leaving
and he’s left with this internal satisfaction all the time when she lets down his morbid expectation that she’s given up on him
she remains on her place in his life

vi.
but maybe she’ll never be the girl

even if she’s always with him,
always nagging him to get out of bed
and live this ******* up thing disguised as life
even when she becomes this bright light trying so hardly to outshine her darkness and his darkness
even when she manages to see the good in him
even after she lets out her “i’m here for you’s”
and “i won’t leave you’s”
and “i got you’s”

she’s still not the girl
there’ll always be this wall,
barricading the distance
no matter how little between them
all the while the lines get blurrier

vii.
she confuses him enough for him to get a grip
and even feel in the state of denial he’s locked in,
really looking through her remains his failure
even after it all, majority of her is still invisible
somehow she’s still a stranger,
just strangers who because of their own messed up loneliness,
bared their souls out to each other
and their needs and attachment
get in the way too soon blinding them,
thinking it could be something more,
something it’s not

viii.
strangers.
maybe that’s all they’re meant for

swimming in pools shined upon by a hundred neon lights,
racing each other past labyrinths, really just stairs with never ending flights,
with the hum of playlists we created in the background and almost perfect sights
a spectrum arrayed over countless black and white nights
now our tracks rest over pedestrian lines,
waiting for the light to turn green
looking silly with the feathered, glittery wings strapped on our backs- this proven by the numerous stares people keep giving us
i could care less because you were in an urge to buy them from the costume shop; you said it was a necessity for tonight's "mission"
and it was all just so funny; you're funny
because the first night i whispered
“you up for an adventure?"
you just looked at me with so much hesitation,
as if i were a delinquent and you'd rather i leave you to yourself
but now we can almost be a platonic bonnie and clyde;
waiting for the light to go red holds such betrayal
because as long as it stays orange we can have more adventures
and we'll always get a glimpse of the first sign of sunrise
but once it turns green,i know you'd still go after her
that no matter how much thrill the night makes you feel,
how many graffitis we'd spray paint our own graffitis over,
how many new songs and mixed CD's we'd trade,
it's still her
somehow amidst the full moons and the waxing crescents
you're still stuck in the time watching the sunset and the raindrops gently come home to the earth with her
when you were enough to her
you're still stuck in what almost was and what could've been, what could still be; but will it ever be again?
you're still hers
you're stuck in the chasms she's unknowingly created
chained to her love that made you alive all this time
tied to her presence you long to feel again
and i want so badly to set you free but i can't
because you wouldn't mind drowning in a whirlpool if she told you to do so
four
three
two
one
light turns red, traffic halts
- please don't leave just yet

Almost.

The word alone has its own impact, already a thought-consuming word. It reminds me of things I was on the brink of doing, on the edge of making, and on the verge of having, but never did.

I lost myself somewhere in-between our ending and all of the might've been's
I wanted it to be you
the kind of love that was always more forest fire than fairytale
and all I know is you left me someplace in the middle of "I miss you" and "I need space"
I fell into your hesitation because it was all I had left

When I take my clothes off,
You will see all the places where they have been.
From the way they kissed my hair under the moonlight,
As we walked through the night sky and took me off of my feet
You will see the promises they have left on my pinky finger,
And the way their fingerprints danced on the spaces in between my hands,
I will be stripped naked of all the memories they had created on the arches of my neck,
And the way they implanted kisses on my chest
And made flowers bloom in my stomach.
You will see that they are a constellation hiding on my body
Waiting to be revealed
You will feel the pixie dust that they left on the gaps of my thighs,
When I flew with them to Neverland
Only to never see them again.
You will see that I had held on to them for far too much and too long
They have created marks on my palms and scratches on my wrists.
You will see that I still bear all the scars of their love
You will know why I am so scared of you.
So when I take my clothes off
You will see me.
You will see the dusts of my ex-lovers embedded on the folds of my skin.
And I hope you still accept
Who I have been
Naked as I am.